#andrews

Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff...Oh. Ha! "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #hanging #ilona-andrews

At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?" "No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #the-edge

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #hair #ilona-andrews #the-edge

I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him. 'What's this?' 'A needle.' 'What should I do with it?' He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.' - Kate & Saiman ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #magic-strikes #saiman #shapeshifters #kate

Secret to what?" "Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#curran #ilona-andrews #kate #kate-daniels #magic-burns

I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you participate in this lunacy, y'all will get yourselves killed. Then don't come crying to me.' Now that would be a neat trick. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate-daniels #magic-strikes #life

I'm counting to ten in my head." "Is it helping?" "No." "It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way?" "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-bleeds #life

...they tended towards the simple pleasures in life: drinking, whoring and fighting, preferably all three at once. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #magic-bleeds #life

Cassie's Rules for a Happy Life: #1 - Don't Lie #2 - Don't Cheat #3 - Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep #4 - Don't Say Things You Don't Mean ↗

— J. Sterling

#jsterling #theperfectgame #life

I looked at him. "You really need to work on your threats. I can't tell if you're threatening me or inviting me for tea. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate #magic-slays #threats #tea