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Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings


Being right all the time must be exhausting.


#crap  


It's a good thing this "tomorrow" is not coming anytime soon cause I have like a million things to do on that day.



I wish I was there holding you tight, instead of sending this message telling you goodnight.


#love  


Are they still selling National Geographic magazine now that teenagers have smart phones and Internet porn?


#amazing  


We're the only ones on our block who decorated a hanging, gutted deer.


#rough  


Friends are like balloons. If you stab them, they die.


#idocy  


I'll never understand why British people lose their accent when they sing.


#idocy  


When I die, bury me with an everything bagel. Lots of cream cheese please. Thanks.


#funny  


I hate racial profiling, like when a cop pulls me over just because I’m Irish, or drunk.


#funny  


More people should know what I mean when I point at things and grunt.



Seeing Microsoft Word’s green-grammar-underline when I use “fist” as a verb, reminds me of simpler more innocent times.


#idocy  


::cat scratches at bathroom door::

::I open door::

::cat walks in, sniffs, walks out judgmentally::


#idocy  


After Luke blew up the first Death Star, we cancelled 'Bring Your Son to Work Day'.


#crazy  


Closed our eyes and the world disappeared.
Imagine our disappointment, opening them and finding out it was only temporary.


#statement  


I hate going to the mall, they've got these big doors that have 'PULL' written on them & I'll push & push for hours... Then end up leaving.


#idocy  


"You want to listen to a different song? Haha, just kidding! Let's listen to this one over and over until you hate it!" - My brain


#crap  


You know you're over someone when you no longer feel any desire to cyber-stalk them anymore.


#statement  


There's a time in your life when it's cool if one of your friends can do a standing back-flip. That time is all the time.



One of these days I’m going to tell my girlfriend how much she truly means to me, and also maybe introduce myself.


#crazy  


My son just said something was "unpossible." Looks like I can take down all those Harvard posters & pennants. He's no Rory Gilmore.


#funny  



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