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Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings
It's a good thing this "tomorrow" is not coming anytime soon cause I have like a million things to do on that day.
Are they still selling National Geographic magazine now that teenagers have smart phones and Internet porn?
More people should know what I mean when I point at things and grunt.
Seeing Microsoft Word’s green-grammar-underline when I use “fist” as a verb, reminds me of simpler more innocent times.
::cat scratches at bathroom door::
::I open door::
::cat walks in, sniffs, walks out judgmentally::
Closed our eyes and the world disappeared.
Imagine our disappointment, opening them and finding out it was only temporary.
I hate going to the mall, they've got these big doors that have 'PULL' written on them & I'll push & push for hours... Then end up leaving.
"You want to listen to a different song? Haha, just kidding! Let's listen to this one over and over until you hate it!" - My brain
#crap
You know you're over someone when you no longer feel any desire to cyber-stalk them anymore.
There's a time in your life when it's cool if one of your friends can do a standing back-flip. That time is all the time.
One of these days I’m going to tell my girlfriend how much she truly means to me, and also maybe introduce myself.
My son just said something was "unpossible." Looks like I can take down all those Harvard posters & pennants. He's no Rory Gilmore.