Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings

Hope everyone has a truly wonderful Thursday! Try not to use an article of clothing to hang yourself in the staff washroom.

I don't know what the big deal is, 3:20 sounds just fine to me.

I hate when I'm shitting in the bathroom stall and Gorilla comes in and rips the door off.

Yo Mama has touched more knobs then the gas man

As a joke, ask someone with a neck tattoo how their career is going.

I remember when people used to go to the beach to swim and have fun and not to take pictures of their own feet and post them on instagram.

"From the moment I laid eggs in you, I knew you were the one." -Romantic spider

Collecting all the vices you discard today with my new Lentbrush.

I googled "do cyclops blink or wink." The dreaded day is finally here. I have run out of things to do on the internet.

If you take a picture above your head, the first thing I think is: You’re hiding multiple chins.

It's totally okay if my boyfriend has a crush on another girl as long as I do too.

My neighbors learned tonight that I like to drink on the porch and the cops don't care how loud or how often I play Flirtin' With Disaster.

What is this sleeping you all speak of.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw babies, this goes for regular house people also.

About to start our traditional family football game where we use the neighbor's baby Jesus as the football.

Sometimes I do very bad things, but I do them very well.

Yo mama's so fat she probably has trouble finding men to sleep w/ her, especially after the messy divorce.
Sorry about your family.

Getting stoned and sleeping alone. You know, living the dream.

It doesn't matter if you have Double D's - if you're fat, they're gross.

Is it duct tape or duck tape? Either way the hooker's in the basement