Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Yep, plane!

-New Yorker.

When a woman looks at you with belief, faith and trust...

You're doing it right. Don't stop.

My Mac crashed, came back to life, & now it thinks it's March 2001. I need someone to come tell it about Steve Jobs. I CAN'T DO IT.

Those of you who cheat and make jokes about others who were caught cheating better keep a weather eye out for falling pianos.

If you mean years of financial and emotional stress with brief moments of joy and finally death, then yes, everything is going to be OK.

Trust yourself and don't be afraid to fail. Ignore those who doubt you. Just work your hardest and get what you want.

Chuck Norris spend 30 seconds to count the stars everyday, after his lunch.

Dating tip: Impress her with your bravery by telling her she looks fat today.

I'm still amazed at how many people go to the movies and don't punch out the obnoxious drunk who snuck a bottle of booze into the theater.

When ever I don't shave my legs for more than 2 days, I start talking with a German accent.

When your text reply is: “Whatever”…you don’t really care what happens after that.

I never really understood porn. I mean what does she really see in him? I doubt he even loves her.

All the kind words she ever heard weren't enough to drown out the voices whispering, "You're not enough."

Sir, you can't bring that bazooka into the building.

If you don’t take the time to just listen to her breath, you’re missing a lot.

I feel the same way about cooking as I do about having a baby. I'm capable of doing it, I just don't want to.

Humans are funny. They spend money they don't have, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't even like.

I hope I cross your mind every once in a while, so that I won't feel pathetic for thinking of you all the time.

I'm literally awake.

Strangers can become bestfriends just as easy as bestfriends can become strangers.