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Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings

Workplace Tips: If your guy won, don't gloat. If your guy lost, don't whine. And if things get ugly, eat a banana slowly to change the mood.

Don't give up. But if you do, don't tell your heart for a few days until you're sure. 'Cause hearts get weird about that kinda stuff.


If I want someone, they don't want me. If someone wants me, I don't want them. If we both want each other, they live in narnia or something.

Never pass up an opportunity to be kind to a random stranger.

Best way to make wife's panties wet every day, is to do the laundry.

So, we're exclusive, right?


We all cry, but I bet my tears taste prettier than an ugly girl's tears.


One advantage of being addicted to heroin is that you don’t have to take your Christmas tree down till August.


Chuck Norris was originally cast in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. ... He was Doom.

The older I get, the more well-developed my gross motor skills become.


If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be sober enough to be morally or ethically responsible for my actions.


Never let fear of failure keep you from failing.


“Oh great frankincense. It’s not like we could’ve used a blanket or food.” - Joseph of Nazareth


You put the small spoons in the slot that is clearly for the big spoons. I can't live like this. Get out.


Someone asked me if I wanted to be American; I'm delaying on my answer. Sure, I want to improve on my narcissism but I don't want to be fat.


It takes me about 10 stones to kill 2 birds.


The trouble with being homeless is you never get a day off.


What do you mean you're offended, didn't you see, I used this emoticon --> :D ?


Believe it or not I'm socially awkward.

You say "potato," I say "you're not my real dad."


Roll the dice
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