Funny Bashes

Yes, I am forever alone. (A)dored (L)oved and (O)bviously (N)eeded by (E)veryone.

Truthful Tuesday: I may or may not have slept with either Milli or Vanilli in the 90’s. And blamed it on the rain.

Moving on is not about not looking back. It’s taking a glance at yesterday, and seeing how much you’ve grown since then.

we are ALL staring at computer screens, we have SO much in common.

True friendship is when he texts you in the morning to remind you to take your crazy pills.

World peace would be pretty awesome but I'll settle for the White Stripes getting back together.

There are 2 reasons why we don’t trust people:

1. We don’t know them.

2. We do know them.

Putting your hand on the kettle to check that it's hot is a great way to burn your hand.

Never expect, never assume, never ask, and never demand. Just let it be. Because if it's meant to be, it will be.

When I vomit, I pretend that someone has poisoned me because I'm really important.

Those days when you don't care what you look like.

Jede Nacht lieg ich wach, denk an dich
und frage mich, wie kann es sein,
wie kann es dich geben,
wo Engel doch im Himmel leben?

The best part about waking up is *cracks knuckles* realizing you have at least one more day to saw off someone's head with a rusty car door.

If there's one thing my wife hates, it's having rat meat dangled into her cage & then snatched away before she can grab it.

I'm never actually sorry, it's just something you say.

Hair is dead; parasitic, fibrous, keratin-protein structures hanging out of your flesh and styled in a pleasing manner.

Whenever I take the last cup of coffee, I like to inexplicably make a new pot of just hot water.

The Nazis really ruined things for goose-stepping enthusiasts.

Negative thoughts will destroy you, stay positive.

You are not special. There is no plan for you. Nothing happens for a reason. Just try not to die and shut up.