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Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings
My anti-insomnia plan is waiting until I can no longer hold my lids open.
Unfortunately, it happens at work, a lot.
The more I deal with people, the more I wonder why I've bothered to grace this race with my existence.
My Husband gave my very Irish uncle a 6 pack of non-alcoholic beer as a gag gift for Christmas.
I'm a widow now.
If you're afraid of being happy because you think something bad is going to happen soon, you suffer from 'Cherophobia'.
The sun provides me with vitamin D and the sudden need for beer & grilled meat.
Look, everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is you learn from it & cover it up better next time.
Having a girlfriend is a lot like having a puppy except their treats are more expensive and they whine more
When I was married I used to get a lot more "pretending to sleep time" that's the only part I miss.
#crap
My strategy for the beach this summer: Instead of being a failure at getting in shape, I plan to be awesome at being soft and doughy.
I once spent a summer touring the bars in Texas as a mechanical bull fighter.
Yesterday, my mom's phone rang and she got a disgusted look on her face and said, "Ugh. I hate that people think they can just call me."
I become deaf whenever my heart begins to speak.