Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings

The secret to a good relationship is honesty, trust, and always choosing someone who loves you more than you love them.

I’m going to wait to buy a PS4, maybe in a few years when itgets rereleased as a cell phone.

drinking alone = bad.
drinking with the internet = a-ok.

If I also spoke Spanish, I'd drive you crazy pretending not to speak English if you asked me about money I owed you. I should learn Spanish.

Blind people probably appreciate farts on a level that you & I would be like "Wooow..." if we could ever imagine it, which we can't.

Winter is only fun if you're rich enough to ski through it or fly away from it.

Wrong holes happen, it’s never an accident…but they happen.

Just because we're not close anymore doesn't mean I dont care about you.

The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.

The song "Dust in the Wind" must be torture for cocaine dealers to listen to.

I forgot my phone and had to wait in the doctors room without it. It was the longest 4 minutes of my life.

At this stage of my life, my main criteria for a new car is that the gas cap is on the same side as my old car.

I don't know man. You look kind of stupid with your head stuck in the wall.

Say all you want about Scooby-Do's speech impediment, but for a dog struggling with English he's doing damn well.

Do my heart a favor?

Lose my number.

Someday our shoes will learn how to walk on their own and leave us behind.

Legends of the Fall would have been a great name for one of the Jackass movies.

Miss, you're seated next to the plane's emergency exit. Would anything prevent you from assisting in an emergency?

Umm, debilitating fear?

When you complain about dropping your phone remember that there are people who are starving who'll totally make you another one.

Our tickle time will leave you covered in welts and bruises.