Funny Bashes

Oh, weird, my arms are turning into wings again.

#crazy  

There are appropriate times to call me disgusting names. Out of anger is not one of them.

I'm going to be really disappointed if nobody makes a video of Smeagol doing the 'Should Have Put A Ring On It' dance.

#witty  

When your opinion of me changes because of something someone else said, you opinion just became irrelevant.

#statement  

If I ever text “I’m not feeling well tonight” I’m lying…I just don't want to hang out with you.

#mad  

I just did 1 1/2 hours of rubbing my eyes at my desk. Following this up with 3 1/2 hours of yawning and my work morning will be complete.

I always cry when I'm cutting onions because my first pet was an onion that died in a tragic salad shooter accident.

#idocy  

They who are looking for the path are already on their way.

#wisdom  

Be careful out there. Words can hurt.

I don't mind people sneezing in public. Germs don't scare me, It's that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me...

#idocy  

Back zits:

Because you did something to piss god off somewhere along the way.

#funny  

Smile. Let everyone know that today you're a lot stronger than you were yesterday.

#wisdom  

Nice guys finish last... and they sure as hell better

OMG you guys, Fran Drescher and I are having so much fun!!! http://t.co/bxiYGM7D

#wtf  

My kids blocked me years ago.

#idocy  

When comparing yourself to others, always choose people you are way better than.

You're legally allowed to stab anyone whose favorite album is a band's Greatest Hits.

#statement  

This coffee tastes pretty good. Let me just dump it all over my shirt instead of drinking it. - Me, this morning.

#funny  

My personality is the reason I can't have nice things.

Everything and everyone becomes irrelevant when the food is ready.

#witty