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Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings


Workplace Tips: If your guy won, don't gloat. If your guy lost, don't whine. And if things get ugly, eat a banana slowly to change the mood.



Don't give up. But if you do, don't tell your heart for a few days until you're sure. 'Cause hearts get weird about that kinda stuff.


#idocy  


If I want someone, they don't want me. If someone wants me, I don't want them. If we both want each other, they live in narnia or something.



Never pass up an opportunity to be kind to a random stranger.



Best way to make wife's panties wet every day, is to do the laundry.



So, we're exclusive, right?


#funny  


We all cry, but I bet my tears taste prettier than an ugly girl's tears.


#wtf  


One advantage of being addicted to heroin is that you don’t have to take your Christmas tree down till August.


#wtf  


Chuck Norris was originally cast in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. ... He was Doom.



The older I get, the more well-developed my gross motor skills become.


#idocy  


If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be sober enough to be morally or ethically responsible for my actions.


#love  


Never let fear of failure keep you from failing.


#statement  


“Oh great frankincense. It’s not like we could’ve used a blanket or food.” - Joseph of Nazareth


#idocy  


You put the small spoons in the slot that is clearly for the big spoons. I can't live like this. Get out.


#witty  


Someone asked me if I wanted to be American; I'm delaying on my answer. Sure, I want to improve on my narcissism but I don't want to be fat.


#useless  


It takes me about 10 stones to kill 2 birds.


#morbid  


The trouble with being homeless is you never get a day off.


#crap  


What do you mean you're offended, didn't you see, I used this emoticon --> :D ?


#statement  


Believe it or not I'm socially awkward.



You say "potato," I say "you're not my real dad."


#funny  



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