Funny Bashes

Once saw a lady driving a scooter chair wearing Sketcher Shape Ups. I still think about her sometimes.

#idocy  

Just ate two blueberry waffles held in my bear hands like freshly caught salmon.

#crap  

I have never allowed my disease to make me a victim or make me feel sorry for myself.

Never have. Never will.

#statement  

You are the personification of a behind-the-eye headache, toots. Well done, you.

#hate  

I believe all children should be taught how to replace toilet rolls before they leave school.

#annoying  

I'm on this new diet where you eat what you want and then cry when you accidentally see your reflection.

I like saving energy, by not moving.

#laziness  

Apparently, you can hate someone just by how they sound like.

#hate  

If someone tells me I'm fat again I'll eat them.

#mad  

Christmas day kinda sucked until I remembered where I keep the vodka.

#idocy  

Fun Fact: 100% of people don't know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else's house.

She ignores all the other guys who want her because she's too busy noticing the one she wants.

When I can’t stop laughing, that’s pretty much what I think a good life is all about.

#statement  

Some people drink to have a good time, I drink because I hate my sideburns.

Apparently my ex is dating some French dude named Fiancé. Whatever.

#wtf  

Home is anywhere I charge my phone.

Sometimes all it takes to get the attention you want from someone is smile and say hello.

#statement  

If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.

#statement  

Don't give up on your dreams.

Seriously.

Stay in bed for as long as humanly possible.

#statement  

We talked, we flirted, we liked each other. You moved on, I moved on, but deep down, I still miss you.

#love