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Funny Bashes

Read funny quotes and bashes for your daily quick-witted sayings


I see London, I see France, I see a disappointment when I look in the mirror.



Guys, I figured out why NYC is the city that never sleeps. It's the techno music from the rooftop bar above my hotel room.


#annoying  


If you have to ask him if you look fat in what you're wearing, you probably do.


#mad  


Make hash while the sun shines, because smoking hay when it's raining is pretty damn weird.


#stupid  


The word 'ephemeromorph' describes something that belongs to the lowest form of life. Why not slip it into conversation at work today?


#idocy  


Once I get my paycheck I turn into Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings'.



Sure, I might be fat if you ONLY focus on my stomach. But check out these wrists. I mean, they're the wrists of a 10 year old girl.


#idocy  


Some people lie so much they begin to believe their own bullshit.


#annoying  


Ask your doctor if reverse-psychology isn't for you.


#crap  


I want you to know what I want before I know what I want, you know?



I think the homeless are the ones that have shit figured out.


#statement  


Grandma has been sitting cross legged, meditating for 5 hours. She's either reached enlightenment or died sitting straight up.


#idocy  


I would cheat on cheese with melted cheese. No hesitation.



In order to use human intelligence properly our mind should be calm.


#idocy  


Dear baby Jesus, please give me the strength to not eat two dinners tonight. Amen


#bullshit  


I wasn't actually born this way. I was a lot smaller, not nearly as hairy and way slimier.



I fear I may go through life without ever using a fire extinguisher.


#idocy  


Love means never having to fake an orgasm.



Remember, real people don't care how popular you are on the internet.


#internet  


A police officer pulled me over. Going to act drunk because I'm too embarrassed to tell him I was eating a taco.


#funny  



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