Wordplay Bashes

Just broke up a fight between a big swan and a small swan. I said to the big swan pick on someswan your own size

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Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

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Immortality jokes never get old.

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The Missionary position is pretty laid back.

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Technically, setting someone on fire is burning calories.

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If his hands aren't all over you and clothes aren't coming off within the first two minutes... He's not into you

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Be the life and soul of the party by drinking alone in a cemetery.

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If you cut through someone's ankles during a fight, have you de-feeted him?

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Grave robbery is wrong on so many deeper levels.

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Never date demons. They get very possessive.

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I love you, I love you with all my heart and soul. If I had a donut, I'd give you the hole.

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It should be perfectly acceptable to give girls with their thongs hanging out wedgies.

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Unlike clothes, fat jokes are difficult to grow out of.

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I’m sick of gravity always bringing us down.

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I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.

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Did you know that if you greet the sea, it'll wave back?

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I'm not much for cooking... Let's eat out then you can eat me out.

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While Jesus was breaking bread, Judas was Breaking Bad.

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When I die, they'll say "He lived his life like a candle in the wind, constantly getting blown."

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I could do my dream job with my eyes closed.

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