Idocy Bashes

I'll fight a Horse in a War, I don't give a shit.

#idocy  

I have just placed a man into extreme danger by telling him to guess my age.

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I only give handjobs when I want to show off a new manicure.

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I love it when I hide things so well that no one can find them. Especially me.

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Oops! Gave Frosty a hug and now he's a chilled wine man.

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Last night my son dreamed that he drank grape juice. Ugh, glad I'm not as boring as THAT guy.

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Did Michael Jackson ever find out if Annie was OK?

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I tell people I'm pregnant so my crying and throwing up at 7am seems natural.

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I never believe anyone is engaged or pregnant until it's 'Facebook official' and they've changed their profile picture to an ultrasound

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My ma is not a predjudiced but she does hate wide people.

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I think Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to serious.

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At drunk times like these I can easily drink peanuts from a can.

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My schedule is all messed up. I think the problem is that I don’t have a schedule.

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My twitter crush is so romantic, he finally admitted he thinks I might be retarded.

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I don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. I just have to run out of weed.

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I'm in a pub and no one's talking to me. But by posting this I'm talking to over 4000 people. I win right?

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Hope everyone has a truly wonderful Thursday! Try not to use an article of clothing to hang yourself in the staff washroom.

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Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.

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Your life is unavailable at the moment. Please try later.

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Can't believe Jesus had to go to mass every year on his birthday.

#idocy