Idocy Bashes

Getting stoned and sleeping alone. You know, living the dream.

#idocy  

The kid is testing and retesting his temperature over and over again.

Little does he know, there's no chance for another day off.

#idocy  

My shoes have been quarreling for hours. Maybe I'll go barefoot today.

#idocy  

I'm always nice to old ladies in case one of them is the old me time traveling to the past to warn the young me about something.

#idocy  

The highlight of my Christmas day with my family was when I was taking pictures of myself in the mirror.

#idocy  

I need a pair of life-canceling headphones.

#idocy  

Pretty sure parents with YouTube accounts are a sign of the apocalypse.

#idocy  

Just hugged my Ma.
She wriggled.

No! No! No! No! On so many different levels wash my memory clean NO!!!

#idocy  

::cat scratches at bathroom door::

::I open door::

::cat walks in, sniffs, walks out judgmentally::

#idocy  

Merry Chrisolstichanukwanzaa!

#idocy  

Our eyes lock and I smile.

Then you smile.

Then I tell you I’m smiling because your zipper’s unzipped.

#idocy  

Thinking about getting another tattoo. You know, because I'm a Mexican. & that's what we do on Thursdays.

#idocy  

It makes me sad when people hate me for no reason when I could easily give them quite a few reasons to hate me.

#idocy  

Merry Christmas to the verified accounts only.

#idocy  

Rice cakes are the saddest cakes.

#idocy  

Walmart is the only place where all of the handicap spots are taken.

#idocy  

Yo mama's so fat she probably has trouble finding men to sleep w/ her, especially after the messy divorce.
Sorry about your family.

#idocy  

This birthday party feels more like a wedding with a cash bar.

#idocy  

I don't mind people sneezing in public. Germs don't scare me, It's that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me...

#idocy  

a spider dropped down on me this morning and I was just really excited that someone else was in bed with me

#idocy