Idocy Bashes

When in Rome, do what tourists think Romans probably do.

Still can't believe the capitol of Georgia isn't Popeye's

I always cry when I'm cutting onions because my first pet was an onion that died in a tragic salad shooter accident.

How many times can you pee in an empty water bottle and rinse it out before you have to get a new?

I call Willem Dafoe "William" because get the hell out of here with that stupid name.

My Super Power is finding the typos the day after.

I wasted 400 years of my life trying to figure out if I was a vampire.

I'll unblock you if you agree to play nice.

Are you clinically insane? By which I mean do you wake up in the morning and think you are a rhubarb,

I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.

It seems to me there are a few too many people that think being on the Popular People Page is more important than being a decent human being

I made it all the way until February 3rd before I got my fat arm stuck anywhere. 2012 is has been a success.

I may not be religious, but I have been known to pray for good parking.

Whose idea was it anyway to put a pyramid with an eye on the dollar? I'm thinking either Satan or Ben Franklin.

If you're happy and you know it, I don't care.

I genuinely like most people unless they’re particularly mean, selfish, angry, depressing, stupid, smart, cheerful, or good looking.

I scream. You scream. We're pretty annoying.

He texted: I just wanted to say hi, which seems to me, a response was not required. Right? Goddamn conspiracy.

If I was in a porno... I would make the 'call me' hand gesture into the camera when the girl was yelling, "OMG, I'M CUMMING!!!"

I was just called out for being drunk, I don’t know what bothers me more…that they said that..or they were right.