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Crap Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crap


I miss the days when playing with a cardboard box made me happy as shit.


#crap  


The fact is what you’re willing to put in your mouth makes you the one they will never forget about.


#crap  


Again, if you're in a disagreement w/someone and the best you have is 'you're stupid and/or dumb', or any name calling. You lose.


#crap  


Does anyone else suddenly feel insanely insecure when someone incredibly attractive looks you in the eye.


#crap  


Anything you say can and will be used against you by a woman.


#crap  


Someone in front of me walked through a door and left it open for me but I was too far away and had to do a little jog. So no gym tonight.


#crap  


I'm glad I live in a world where naps are free.


#crap  


My 1-year-old screamed at me because I didn’t let her take a bowl of Cheerios into the bathtub. I’m a monster.


#crap  


I will crush you like an ant!


Me talking to ants.


#crap  


If you ever ask someone "are you stalking me?", they're not doing a very good job.


#crap  


I'm a little disappointed every time I close a mirrored medicine cabinet and there's NOT a serial killer standing right behind me.


#crap  


When I open an Incognito Window, I want my computer to say, "Awwww, yeah!"


#crap  


Sometimes when I'm brushing my teeth I lean forward to spit and I get toothpaste foam in my hair. That could be a metaphor for my life.


#crap  


We get so excited when we spot another planet that might support human life, even though this one definitely does and we shit all over it.


#crap  


I can tell I've become an adult because I asked my mom for t-shirts and socks and was happy I got them.


#crap  


I just looked down mid-sentence and got distracted by my own cleavage so it's ok guys, I understand.


#crap  


Wish I had cooler enemies.


#crap  


I did nothing today to help mankind, now I know what a Kardashian feels like.


#crap  


I think I've made about three right decisions out of the 897 thousand I've been faced with in life so far... so that's good.


#crap  


When someone replies “NO!” to me asking “Know what I think?” I tell them anyway because that shit's hilarious...


#crap  



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