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Crap Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crap


yes.
i am shallow enough to fall in love with your mind and then beg you to not send me a picture.


#crap  


Can you imagine how long it would take a giraffe to throw up?


#crap  


I forgot my phone and had to wait in the doctors room without it. It was the longest 4 minutes of my life.


#crap  


if you don't do stupid shit while drunk, how do you justify your life?


#crap  


My coworker is turned on by lesbians because he thinks they're all girls with long hair in nighties having pillow fights. I'm staying quiet.


#crap  


I just signed and sent off the divorce papers. It's been three years. THAT'S how much I hate communicating with her.


#crap  


Cocaine's like Disneyland, only the lines aren't as long.


#crap  


Every time you say "cool beans" another hot boy thinks you're a lesbian.


#crap  


No matter how stunning u are, somewhere a man is fed up with u.


#crap  


Last month my ex married a great guy and now they're pregnant. I just flossed my teeth in an empty room. She made a good choice.


#crap  


Just saw my neighbors smoking marijuana. Bracing myself for the screaming/gunshots that are sure to follow.


#crap  


So basically most of us are now playing Scrabble and Pictionary with each other on our iphones. We're such party animals.


#crap  


Your first mistake was saying, 'let's make some sense of this.'


#crap  


"You deserve a vacation" is just a fancy way of saying "we're out of bologna, so you should turn yourself in if you want dinner tonight."


#crap  


I texted her 6 days ago, she hasn't texted back, either she's ignoring me or she's trying to parallel park.


#crap  


The awkward moment when you're trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water is running.


#crap  


Thank you all for the kind words, support and love. I'm doing great. Headed home shortly and then back to work.


#crap  


If god wanted me to do stuff, he wouldn't have put everything so far away from my bed.


#crap  


Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.
And balloons.
And amusement parks.


We're still incredibly scary though, honest.


#crap  


Anything you say can and will be used against you by a woman.


#crap  



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