Crap Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crap

I hope Jesus appreciates all the discomfort we put ourselves through for his birthday.

Every time you say "cool beans" another hot boy thinks you're a lesbian.

No matter how stunning u are, somewhere a man is fed up with u.

At a certain point you gotta make the decision to just get up and pee so you can go back to sleep. I'm not there quite yet.

Can I take the tree down now?

If you mean years of financial and emotional stress with brief moments of joy and finally death, then yes, everything is going to be OK.

"I am a fool", she said.

And the world nodded its agreement.

I'm blue abedeabediabediabdeiadbediabediabedi.
Really?

I know exactly what it's like to be a bomb technician because I just realized it's after 12:00 and I have to be up in less than NINE HOURS!

Just paid for a pack of smokes, two diet pepsis (there was a deal), and some sour candy with $11 in singles, like a stripper.

If I had the chance, I will make the exact same choices I've made in life. Because I'm an Idiot.

One crazy thing would be if you went to a funeral and there was a dead shark in the casket, but no one was acknowledging how weird that was.

Your mouth is directly connected to your anus via a complex digestive path.

This, ladies and gentleman, is why we speak shit.

Sometimes you have to skip over "xoxo" crap, cut to the chase
and go straight to signing "bjbj"

You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.

I'm a little disappointed every time I close a mirrored medicine cabinet and there's NOT a serial killer standing right behind me.

Super heroines must especially hate the time of the month when they have to wear pads under those tights.

I don't like this new Axe Body Spray Extreme Nacho Pizza Scent nearly as much as I thought I would.

Your first mistake was saying, 'let's make some sense of this.'

Guys, I think Mario and the rest were go-karting on the road I'm driving on. Well, I haven't seen any of them but there's a banana peel.