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Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crap
yes.
i am shallow enough to fall in love with your mind and then beg you to not send me a picture.
#crap
I forgot my phone and had to wait in the doctors room without it. It was the longest 4 minutes of my life.
#crap
My coworker is turned on by lesbians because he thinks they're all girls with long hair in nighties having pillow fights. I'm staying quiet.
#crap
I just signed and sent off the divorce papers. It's been three years. THAT'S how much I hate communicating with her.
#crap
Last month my ex married a great guy and now they're pregnant. I just flossed my teeth in an empty room. She made a good choice.
#crap
Just saw my neighbors smoking marijuana. Bracing myself for the screaming/gunshots that are sure to follow.
#crap
So basically most of us are now playing Scrabble and Pictionary with each other on our iphones. We're such party animals.
#crap
"You deserve a vacation" is just a fancy way of saying "we're out of bologna, so you should turn yourself in if you want dinner tonight."
#crap
I texted her 6 days ago, she hasn't texted back, either she's ignoring me or she's trying to parallel park.
#crap
The awkward moment when you're trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water is running.
#crap
Thank you all for the kind words, support and love. I'm doing great. Headed home shortly and then back to work.
#crap
Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.
And balloons.
And amusement parks.
We're still incredibly scary though, honest.
#crap