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Funny Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #funny


When your first thought of the day is, 'I can't wait to go to bed tonight.'


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The sound of 37 million people throwing up this morning was my alarm clock


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I'm a Buddhist, you guys. That's why I'm throwing up this rainbow.


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This Doctor is acting exactly like I would if I was pretending to be a doctor.


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Wanna scare the shit out of people? Order a glass of milk everywhere you go.


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I can't see how anyone could be depressed this time of year with both Santa Claus and baby Jesus around.


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I've learned men don't want a kind, smart, funny, beautiful woman who's monogamous & looks devastating in a thong. Still, I refuse to change


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“He went to Jared,” would be a really awkward way of telling a girl that her boyfriend cheated on her with a dude named Jared.


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FAKE; its the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style.


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I don't kill my brain cells when I drink. - They bravely sacrifice their lives for a higher cause.


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I've been awake for an hour and I've already cried twice. I don't know what that means, but I bet its going to involve tampons.


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It's "For instance", not "For instant".

The only thing instant is the speed in which I think you're a moron.


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Just in case you're not on Twitter at 11:59pm tonight, I'm gonna tweet "Getting some last-minute shopping in". Should be pretty funny.


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From now on whenever someone gives me shit, I'm going to reply with "AWW, are you jealous of how good I am?".


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Morning.

Notice how I missed the 'Good' off there.


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One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.


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Combined, me and my wife have 3 college degrees and by the end of next summer she will have her 4th.


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I met an archeologist who apparently doesn't like me.

All I did was give him a used tampon & ask him what period it came from.


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Not all men are pigs. There are other animals too.


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If ya just shake the camera around a bit you'll find you don't need all those fancy Hollywood special effects.

Australian filmmakers.


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