#awe

Do you find this...distracting? ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#finnick #humor #humor

TO:[email protected]: Something's wrong! The house is shaking! TO:[email protected]: Well can you turn down the volume on Star Trek:Voyager? I thought we were having an earthquake when the Enterprise hit Warp speed. Why did you let me sleep until nearly one? ↗

— Robert Bryndza

#email #funny #star-trek-warp-speed #funny

I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder what could be up there. ↗

— Bauvard

#ceilings #constellations #funny #humor #sky

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs? Sure thing, Pastor. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#funny #funny

If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #random

When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous. ↗

— Kirsten Miller

#humor #humor

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #choice #funny #humor #money

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #itch #itching