#col

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#captain-short #eight #eoin-colfer #holly-short #humor

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#misattributed-abraham-lincoln #humor

The climate of Barrow is Arctic. Temperatures range from cold as shit to fucking freezing. ↗

— Steve Niles

#cold #humor #humor

So Elizabeth, dare we take the dance floor again in hopes of repeating that splendid performance given by Lydia? ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #humor

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay ↗

— Marcia Carrington

#food #foodie #health #humor #food

Hey, Pedro, could you get your shopping cart out of my faculty parking space? Yes, I know you live on the street. But you know how hard it is to find a parking spot on the Upper West Side. After all, you used to be one of my best students! So how's that Columbia degree working out for you? Not so good, huh? Sorry about that. Really! But you know, a college degree isn't like some cheap used car. There's no warantee. Right, there's no Lemon Law either. Buyer beware! Look, Pedro, I don't want to call security again. Yes, I know they're your cousins. What's that? You'll wash my car for a dollar? Well, I guess that's a good deal. Where's your sponge bucket? What's that? You've got a hose? What do you mean, it's tucked in your pants? Hey Pedro -- no, no, no don't -- aw, Pedro! ↗

— Eric Foner

#humor #humor

An Angry female catawyld? Conquered. An outraged female dragon? Defeated. A woman who might pin him to the wall with green-eyed fury? Out of the question. ↗

— Nicole Sager

#humor #nicole-sager #humor

Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. ↗

— Michelle M. Pillow

#humor #humor-quotes #humor

If you ask me if I’m imagining it again, I’m going to punch you out, Dead Man Walking.” Michael raised his eyebrows and glanced at Eve. “He doesn’t sound crazy.” “Er,” she clarified, “crazier. He sounds like he’s back to normal, which is baseline crazy. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#last-breath #michael-glass #shane-collins #imagination