#doe

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#cute #does #dog #eat #feel

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does. ↗

— Dean Martin

#does #hollywood #jimmy #jimmy stewart #museum

I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#asked #big #bite #does #dog

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. ↗

— Judith Martin

#anonymous #despicable #does #etiquette #hiring

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#control #does #fate #him #his

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#bedfellows #does #make #politics #strange

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me. ↗

— Jackie Mason

#anything #audience #difference #dinner #dinner table

First and foremost, I would like to start off by saying that just because my husband is an entertainer, that does not mean that our personal business is for everyone's entertainment purposes. ↗

— Kim Mathers

#business #does #entertainer #entertainment #everyone

Can you blame them? We have to filter so much information these days. But it does make it difficult for an artist. I'm 46 years old now. I've had a lot of life experience and my voice has changed. People who expect the same old me are bound to be disappointed. ↗

— Kathy Mattea

#blame #bound #changed #days #difficult

It is simply the view, and a view I think shared by most members of the party, that it is very difficult to have a leader that does not command the support of the parliamentary party. ↗

— Francis Maude

#difficult #does #i #i think #leader