#k

[Yankees] are pretty much like southerners except with worse manners, of course, and terrible accents. ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#rhett-butler-to-scarlett #southerners #yankees #humor

Jason glanced at the creature. It remained the same distance away as before, still as a statue. "What do you want?" Jason asked. No answer. "Are you the thing that followed Tark? You should keep following him. He's the real mastermind. Shoo. Go hide." No response. "Okay, how about you stand guard while I sleep. Keep the giants away. Sound good? All in favor, hold perfectly still. Fine, I guess we have a deal. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #jason #lurker #mull

An ordinary man can enjoy breakfasting on juice and rye bread. But when you are underfed, scorned, miserable or just plain bored, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little more colourful, exciting, tastier, meatier and juicier. ↗

— R.S. Vern

#animated #cat-haee #cathaee #children-s-books #dark

A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels. ↗

— Clementine Holzinger

#humor #reading #romance-novels #humor

Fenworth nodded. "Yes, yes. Urgent, deadly, insidious. The world is in peril and we must rise against evil." The old wizard released the general and patted him on the shoulder. "Tea and cake first, don't you think? ↗

— Donita K. Paul

#humor #peril #tea #humor

Just roll me in fairy dust and call me a unicorn. ↗

— Lita Burke

#fairy #humor #steampunk #unicorn #wizard

It's a crime to be that hot and yet, that evil. ↗

— E.C. Newman

#nick #nick-birch #phase #humor

The kakapo is a bird out of time. If you look one in its large, round, greeny-brown face, it has a look of serenely innocent incomprehension that makes you want to hug it and tell it that everything will be all right, thought you know that it probably will not be. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#kakapo #science #humor

Does it hurt now?" he asked, his tone rough and seductive. "No." She shook her head again and sighed, trying to pretend his touch didn't make her uncomfortably wet. He grinned. "So...what's with the heavy breathing? ↗

— Eden Summers

#humor #passion #humor