#or

She's so small, yet she contains so much evil. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.) ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #max #maximum-ride #maxride #humor

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. ↗

— Drew Carey

#humor

God knows I didn't mean to fall in love with her ↗

— Ernest Hemingway

#humor

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#interference #humor

It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome. ↗

— Gayle Forman

#humor

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one. ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#humor

And a refrigerator may hold a basket of strawberries, which would be important if a maniac said to you, "If you don't give me a basket of strawberries right now, I'm going to poke you with this large stick." But when the two elder Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire opened the refrigerator, they found nothing that would help someone who was wounded, dying of thirst, or being threatened by a strawberry-crazed, stick-carrying maniac. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#food