#or

Would you like a cough drop Dolores? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself. ↗

— Steven Wright

#love #humor

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #mississippi #naughty #nautical #riverboat-captain

Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #tv-reference #humor

Unexpected Elizabeth wasn’t falling into his arms as he’d anticipated, even after he had acted heroic and been valiantly injured. Perhaps he had lost her. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humour #paranormal-romance #romance #funny

This is sams phone" there was a long,heavy pause, and then: "oh." Another pause. "Youre the girl, arent you? The girl who was in my house?" I tried to think of what i might gain by denying it and drew a blank "yes" do you have a name?" do you?" he gave a short laugh that was completely without humor but not unpleasent. "I think i might like you. Im Beck. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#grace #humor

Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it. ↗

— Alexandra Potter

#love #men #romance #humor

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#philosophy #terry-pratchett #wintersmith #humor

Do you find this...distracting? ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#finnick #humor #humor

I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#insult #humor