#to

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot. ↗

— George Carlin

#life #too-hip-for-the-room #humor

Tomorrow is promised to no one. ↗

— Clint Eastwood

#tomorrow #humor

If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right. ↗

— Brian Andreas

#relationships #story-people #humor

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #toilet #humor

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #unauthorized #writing

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you. ↗

— Brendan Behan

#eat #get #important #important things #love

EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY ↗

— T.H. White

#government #humor #totalitarianism #humor

People usually asked her if she had a belly button. Of course she had a belly button. She couldn't explain how. She didn't really want to know. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#bellybutton #humor #humor

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

Roger, he has a chain saw," I hissed. "I am not going to die in Kentucky! ↗

— Morgan Matson

#humor #humor