#un

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny

A comedy isn’t about being funny...a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. ↗

— Gary D. Schmidt

#happy-ending #shakespeare #funny

He left the key in the ignition. No one was likely to come up here and steal the truck- and if anyone did... well, he could deal with Charles ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#charles-cornick #funny #funny

I wouldna cross the road to see a scrawny woman if she was stark naked and dripping wet. ~Jamie Fraser ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#funny #jamie-fraser #outlander #scotland #skinny

Hasn't anyone ever told you," Jesse asked, in a semi-amused voice, "that a gentlemen never lays a hand on a lady?" Which I thought was king of funny, considering where Jesse had had his hand the last time I'd seen him ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny

I’m on the west coast. I am Lewis and Clark. I am Lewis Clark. Like the time I got a Denver Omelet in Dallas with a girl named Charlotte Washington. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#west-coast #funny

I’ve always wanted to kill someone by stealing their sound. If you’ve got no sound, you’ve got no voice. And it’s impossible to scream with no voice. So it’s like murdering a mime, only with less movement. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#murder #funny

Drug addicts are so funny that way. Just spinning around, lost in their own little world. Doing so much, accomplishing so little. How sad. ↗

— James St. James

#drugs #james-st-james #party-monster #funny

Remind me to show you the latest e-mail from Courtney," he said now, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk. "You won't believe how many different incorrect ways she spelled hors d'oeuvres within the span of a single paragraph. ↗

— Aimee Agresti

#hors-d-oeuvres #spelling #funny

You see, unlike most writers today, I do not use a computer. I write the old-fashioned way: on the walls of caves. ↗

— Cuthbert Soup

#caves #computer #funny #old-fashioned #writer