#wit

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny #goldrick #harlequin-special-edition #hero #humor

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #retort #satire

Magic is a funny term,' she'd say. 'There is nothing supernatural about the earth. As long as you know what does what. ↗

— Suzanne Palmieri-Hayes

#nature #witchcraft #funny

I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's the pin?" "Pin?" "Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with two hands. ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny

An understanding washed over Darren. “You plan on me running.” “For many, many years.” The crooked smile on Trent’s mouth sent a shiver throughout my body. He was utterly dangerous when he wanted to be. - Vampyre Kisses ↗

— Elizabeth J. Kolodziej

#the-last-which-series #vampires #vampyre-kisses #werewolf #witches

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal. ↗

— Keary Taylor

#funny #hilarious #witty #funny

You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me." "We're a bit more subtle. ↗

— Nelson DeMille

#witty #funny

You’ve gotta love yourself enough to look INSIDE you & not BESIDE you for your joy, confidence, & self worth. ↗

— Mandy Hale

#confidence #happiness #inner-beauty #joy #love-yourself

Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on what my goals are? ↗

— John Green

#humor #teens #twitter #humor

...love was desire and desire was an emptiness. ↗

— Tarryn Fisher

#dirty-red #leah #love #love-me-with-lies #love