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Bullshit Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #bullshit


The solar eclipse only lasted two minutes and I didn't hear any women complaining about that.


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I’m going to wait to buy a PS4, maybe in a few years when itgets rereleased as a cell phone.


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Crackers eaten in the dark don't have any calories.


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I'm never more gripped with fear than when I think it is Casual Friday at work and I'm the only one in a Speedo, top hat, and monocle


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Going back to the high school today. One of two things will happen:
1. I will die
2. I will live


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I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.


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Sometimes use the oven instead of the microwave to heat food. Let it know that you still need it. Ovens have feelings too, you know.


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Kiss her in the middle of her sentence, girls love that shit.


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Dear baby Jesus, please give me the strength to not eat two dinners tonight. Amen


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What is this sleeping you all speak of.


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Police keep buying all the drugs and there's never any left for the rest of us, it's like the donut thing all over again.


#bullshit  


If they just made the inhalers look like cigarettes having asthma would be so much cooler.


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Really worried that one day I'm going to look back on my life and realize I high fived a lot of people for some really dumb shit.


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Sometimes I make my kids watch horror movies so I look like the good monster.


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Serial killers probably start off as normal people who wind up consistently having to poop AFTER their shower.


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I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time to eat dinner again.


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That annoying feeling when you're dying to talk to someone, but you refuse to text them first.


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Weird to think that triangles didn't exist before the Illuminati.


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I don't know why they call it over-slept?


If anything, I could use more.


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I just autographed a dollar bill and sold it for 90 cents.


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