Crazy Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crazy

Give me cheese I’ll eat for a day. Teach me to make cheese and I’ll be dead within a week.

If you like someone, you should just take a chance and tell them. But remember, if they don't like you back, you have to kill them.

I was spending too much money on alcohol so I quit eating.

The only time Red Bull gives me wings is when I turn the can into a weed pipe after I've finished drinking it.

Traded in the stripper shoes for Vans. Party's not over yet, it's just easier to run from the cops in Vans.

Imagine a human being with the strength to cancel their Facebook account without making a big melodramatic deal about it.

Sometimes when I'm stopped at red lights, people think I'm texting on my phone but I'm actually looking at my crotch.

Today is one of those days where I feel like going into a Subway restaurant to ask what time the next train departs.

I believe that old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets covering their legs are actually retired mermaids.

Oh, weird, my arms are turning into wings again.

I want run-in-slow-motion-toward-each-other-then-swing-me-around-in-a-field-love. And a boat.

I don't know who left that 'thing' unflushed in the toilet, but I'm calling an exorcist for someone in this house.

Cut my finger opening a yogurt container. Can someone call my parents to come pick me up?

Whenever someone tells me & a friend to "get a room," we DO get a room, make tender love & send Mr. or Mrs. Jerkface a thank you note.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that we're all adults here.

I'd have my name written on a grain of rice but I'm already fully aware of how insignificant I am in the Universe.

I hate that people in China can teach babies to spin plates and I can't get my kid to pass me the remote control.

Hey couples who keep 30 decorative pillows on their beds - can I have one? I'm tired of sleeping on old newspapers

I sometimes put "quotation marks" around words that shouldn't get them.

Got a teardrop tattoo for every year I watched Guiding Light. Now I get mad respect from the other ladies at bridge club.