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Crazy Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crazy


I invented a gun that shoots bagels. Now I need a REALLY good marketing guy.


#crazy  


If I were a geometry teacher, I'd smoke a bowl before each class and then just talk about the Bermuda Triangle for 55 minutes.


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I'm glad dinosaurs went extinct, otherwise trips to the museum would have been even more boring.


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Cupcakes are just muffins with daddy issues.


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I wanted to bake a cake from scratch, but I'm out of scratch.


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Just had a 20 minute long phone conversation with a 70-year old customer because he seemed lonely and I'm nice.


#crazy  


Sometimes having a body is cool. Other times I am jealous of ghosts.


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Getting out of bed is hard enough, I have no idea why people expect me to do complex calculus or be nice to them.


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Apparently it's not ok to kiss the drive through girl when she gives you your amazing and tasty coffee Coolata. Or so says this police man.


#crazy  


Cute the way you lock your doors like I'm not waiting the closet already.


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The only time I’ve ever chosen the stairs over the elevator was that time when the shop owner chased me for not paying the bills.


#crazy  


I'm such an intense alcoholic that I buy my own lemons and pretend life gave them to me just so I can drink more tequila.


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Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.


#crazy  


I don't understand funny replies. Just say what you're trying to say. I'm on cold medicine and other things.


#crazy  


When I get old, I'm going to be the Walmart greeter who fist bumps you and then mouths the words "I hate you."


#crazy  


When I used to be sane, people found me to be credible. But now that I’m Insane, people find me to be absolutely Incredible.


#crazy  


Do you ever pee and then immediately have to pee again and wonder why god has forsaken you?


#crazy  


Garbage day & inside a bag I put elephant sized condoms full of a white substance. I wanted to give the neighbors something to talk about.


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Before you buy a house, know that at least twice a week you'll be roaming around with a knife at 2 a.m. because you heard a weird noise.


#crazy  


You would think that saying "I'm so sorry, I thought you were a kid" after you kick a midget would make things better but no.


#crazy  



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