Crazy Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crazy

Do you ever pee and then immediately have to pee again and wonder why god has forsaken you?

Cut my finger opening a yogurt container. Can someone call my parents to come pick me up?

I hate that people in China can teach babies to spin plates and I can't get my kid to pass me the remote control.

Apparently it's not ok to kiss the drive through girl when she gives you your amazing and tasty coffee Coolata. Or so says this police man.

I want run-in-slow-motion-toward-each-other-then-swing-me-around-in-a-field-love. And a boat.

Men aren't impressed with anything I have to offer so from now on I'm just going to go with: I can darn socks.

Just flushed my panties down the toilet at work... In case I'm anyones twitter crush or anything :/ I thot I'd pulled them down too ..!..

She's thinks she's my best friend but she can't catch a frisbee in her mouth for shit.

Every time I release a fart I whisper, "You're free buddy, make me proud." Then I dramatically look away.

Sometimes, when I'm in the shower, I'll position my arm just right and pretend my mutant power is trickling water from my finger tips.

A girl just cheerfully said "My horoscope says I'm going to have a good day". Funny how it didn't mention her being pushed out of the window

I'm never more amazed or frightened by the places the human mind can go as when I read my TL.

When I used to be sane, people found me to be credible. But now that I’m Insane, people find me to be absolutely Incredible.

If I were a geometry teacher, I'd smoke a bowl before each class and then just talk about the Bermuda Triangle for 55 minutes.

Whichever animal was kicked off Noah's Ark for trying to hump all the other animals is my spirit animal.

If baking cookies and dancing to "All the single ladies" in my kitchen at 3 a.m. is wrong I don't want to ever be right.

Sometimes I yell at my stepladder, "You're not my real ladder! You can't tell me what to do!" And then I kick it. Feels good.

How come it takes weeks to discover Whitney’s toxicology report and on CSI they can do it in like 8 minutes?

I call bullshit

I'd have my name written on a grain of rice but I'm already fully aware of how insignificant I am in the Universe.

I had a cold, so I went to the doctor, and the doctor said "no more monkeys jumping on the bed".

I should definitely get a new doctor.