Dirty Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #dirty

If someone smells like a sewer it's legal to dump a pot of coffee on them.

You're as cute as a button to launch a nuclear missile.

Being home on vacation with my wife and kids is just like no vacation I ever wanted.

The easiest way to have a good day is to ruin somebody else's.

As a joke, ask someone with a neck tattoo how their career is going.

Some of you are gross.

And by some of you, I mean most of you.

My sister has unlimited talk minutes. Her phone doesn't, but she sure does.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline, or maybe it's spackling.

i think maybe you bought your ego in a Walmart sale. it's big and of shitty quality.

World wars happened so that granddads' stories become a bit less boring than they already are.

You're just as useful as a RED LIGHT on Grand Theft Auto.

Shut up, mom. I’m trying to make people feel small on the Internet by saying hurtful things under the guise of “telling it like it is”.

She said her name was Heather,which was funny, because she looked like a Bimbo.

Whale watching outside of mcdonalds.

Made it through another day without dying? Congratulations! Here's some bills and another long, grueling work week.

If I paid as much attention to real people as I did you guys, I wouldn't need you guys anymore.

To my delightful kids whom I so missed for the past days:

Thank you for awakening in a shitty mood and making me miss my quiet hotel rooms

Her: "Ask anyone, I'm super clumsy." Him: "I did. They said they don't care enough about you to have an opinion."

Me: Ur doing it again.
Him: Doing WHAT again?
Me: That thing.
Him: What thing?
Me: That thing u do that I HATE.
Him: WHAT?!
Me: Breathing.

If we all stayed perfectly still, Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner would probably just go away.