Dirty Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #dirty

If you can't take my constructive criticism then you're a pathetic loser and you should just give up.

As a joke, ask someone with a neck tattoo how their career is going.

Russell Brand's chest hair just signed a 3-year contract to play the carpet in the upcoming 'Aladdin' musical.

You say you don't eat a lot of fast food but it kinda looks a little like you do.

My sister has unlimited talk minutes. Her phone doesn't, but she sure does.

I've been told that I always look a bit scared when I'm talking to stupid people. This is because I worry it's transferable.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline, or maybe it's spackling.

Describe yourself in three words:

Fuck you bitch..

Buy a clown fish. When your kids misbehave, you can threaten to lose Nemo all over again.

If i aint say it directly to you then it dont apply. Dont twist my words to make yourself feel special

Children are a gift, but seriously, I'd rather just have a gift card to Target. Thanks.

How do you get someone to stop trying to remind you that they exist?

Hearing temperatures in fahrenheit just sounds stupid and excessive. And now I get why Americans use it.

Sorry dude but the only way those girls are going to talk to you is if they ask you to take their picture.

Being home on vacation with my wife and kids is just like no vacation I ever wanted.

Me: Ur doing it again.
Him: Doing WHAT again?
Me: That thing.
Him: What thing?
Me: That thing u do that I HATE.
Him: WHAT?!
Me: Breathing.

If I don’t like you, I’ll always ask when the baby is due.

It’s cute when ugly people act like they have a lot of booty call options.

Do you guys plan on celebrating Star Wars Day with your girlfriends? Oops, sorry.

She said her name was Heather,which was funny, because she looked like a Bimbo.