Sex Bashes

I never use Glory Holes anymore since the incident at the pencil sharpener shop.

I think I'm getting sick. What's that stuff you rub on your chest to relieve congestion? Boobs? Yes, boobs. Someone rub their boobs on me.

Is 69 the true meaning of Xmas? You know, giving to receive

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

Guys just want to be with someone who will swallow their pride.

Sent my wife an e-vite to "Party in my pants" for tonight. She responded with a "maybe".

I'll take it.

How well does a safe word work if he's already inside of you?

I love playing hide the salami! :)

Except when I forget where I hid it and it starts to smell rotten.

I might be doing it wrong :(

Guys, be nice to your ladies.

They let you stick things in them for Pete's sake.

Follow me. First stop, the bedroom.

Met my new neighbor and she thinks my boyfriend is my Dad.
Ha, that's funny and disturbing and I already had intimacy issues and shoot me.

It's fun to put your dong in a nice person.

I have a date tonight. That means, sometime today I'll get a huge pimple.

Always take your first dates out to eat ribs, if they can’t get their fingers dirty they’ll never put them where you want them.

The cable guy is coming to install my box today and I can't find my thigh highs anywhere.

It still pisses me off that I didn't learn that the nerdy girls were the kinky ones in bed until after high school.

I use my antique quill pen dipped in shit for dirty diary entries.

If I pass out while inside you, you did a GREAT job!

The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.

If my throat was a chimney & you were Santa I would let you come down it.