Sex Bashes

I think I'm getting sick. What's that stuff you rub on your chest to relieve congestion? Boobs? Yes, boobs. Someone rub their boobs on me.

I never use Glory Holes anymore since the incident at the pencil sharpener shop.

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

I've been here so long that I now think that every compliment from a man means, "I want to put my boner in you."

If my throat was a chimney & you were Santa I would let you come down it.

I feel like this guy at the bar wearing the denim vest is just throwing his 36 years of virginity and carefree lifestyle in my face.

The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.

Sent my wife an e-vite to "Party in my pants" for tonight. She responded with a "maybe".

I'll take it.

The cable guy is coming to install my box today and I can't find my thigh highs anywhere.

Whether lying under a Christmas tree or lying under a man you get the same results. You get pricked and balls hang in your face.

I’d love to blow you.............kisses from across the room.

Always take your first dates out to eat ribs, if they can’t get their fingers dirty they’ll never put them where you want them.

Pure love burns for eternity
A one night stand burns when you pee

I love playing hide the salami! :)

Except when I forget where I hid it and it starts to smell rotten.

I might be doing it wrong :(

I can think of only one good reason to wear panties and that is for someone to tear them off.

How well does a safe word work if he's already inside of you?

Met my new neighbor and she thinks my boyfriend is my Dad.
Ha, that's funny and disturbing and I already had intimacy issues and shoot me.

Is 69 the true meaning of Xmas? You know, giving to receive

Home is where your porn is.

After a stripper collects her tips from all the tables she goes in the back and licks the money clean.