Sex Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #sex

Come all ye faithful. Does that mean if you aren't faithful, you can't come?

I never use Glory Holes anymore since the incident at the pencil sharpener shop.

I have a date tonight. That means, sometime today I'll get a huge pimple.

Always take your first dates out to eat ribs, if they can’t get their fingers dirty they’ll never put them where you want them.

After a stripper collects her tips from all the tables she goes in the back and licks the money clean.

How well does a safe word work if he's already inside of you?

Sent my wife an e-vite to "Party in my pants" for tonight. She responded with a "maybe".

I'll take it.

Whether lying under a Christmas tree or lying under a man you get the same results. You get pricked and balls hang in your face.

I can think of only one good reason to wear panties and that is for someone to tear them off.

I’d love to blow you.............kisses from across the room.

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

If my throat was a chimney & you were Santa I would let you come down it.

My wife and I view sex differently. For starters, I view it on the Internet.

Pure love burns for eternity
A one night stand burns when you pee

Follow me. First stop, the bedroom.

Home is where your porn is.

Is 69 the true meaning of Xmas? You know, giving to receive

I think I'm getting sick. What's that stuff you rub on your chest to relieve congestion? Boobs? Yes, boobs. Someone rub their boobs on me.

Guys, be nice to your ladies.

They let you stick things in them for Pete's sake.

If I pass out while inside you, you did a GREAT job!