Sex Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #sex

Always take your first dates out to eat ribs, if they can’t get their fingers dirty they’ll never put them where you want them.

I have a date tonight. That means, sometime today I'll get a huge pimple.

I can think of only one good reason to wear panties and that is for someone to tear them off.

Guys, be nice to your ladies.

They let you stick things in them for Pete's sake.

After a stripper collects her tips from all the tables she goes in the back and licks the money clean.

I love playing hide the salami! :)

Except when I forget where I hid it and it starts to smell rotten.

I might be doing it wrong :(

I use my antique quill pen dipped in shit for dirty diary entries.

How well does a safe word work if he's already inside of you?

The cable guy is coming to install my box today and I can't find my thigh highs anywhere.

It still pisses me off that I didn't learn that the nerdy girls were the kinky ones in bed until after high school.

If I pass out while inside you, you did a GREAT job!

I’d love to blow you.............kisses from across the room.

Shut your mouth and spread your legs

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

Sent my wife an e-vite to "Party in my pants" for tonight. She responded with a "maybe".

I'll take it.

Whether lying under a Christmas tree or lying under a man you get the same results. You get pricked and balls hang in your face.

My wife and I view sex differently. For starters, I view it on the Internet.

Met my new neighbor and she thinks my boyfriend is my Dad.
Ha, that's funny and disturbing and I already had intimacy issues and shoot me.

I've been here so long that I now think that every compliment from a man means, "I want to put my boner in you."

We were the sperm who got to the egg first. It was our first victorious moment and I'm proud to be here with everyone else who made it too!