Sex Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #sex

Home is where your porn is.

I can think of only one good reason to wear panties and that is for someone to tear them off.

If I pass out while inside you, you did a GREAT job!

We were the sperm who got to the egg first. It was our first victorious moment and I'm proud to be here with everyone else who made it too!

It still pisses me off that I didn't learn that the nerdy girls were the kinky ones in bed until after high school.

I love playing hide the salami! :)

Except when I forget where I hid it and it starts to smell rotten.

I might be doing it wrong :(

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

Pure love burns for eternity
A one night stand burns when you pee

The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.

I have a date tonight. That means, sometime today I'll get a huge pimple.

The cable guy is coming to install my box today and I can't find my thigh highs anywhere.

Follow me. First stop, the bedroom.

Is 69 the true meaning of Xmas? You know, giving to receive

Guys just want to be with someone who will swallow their pride.

I feel like this guy at the bar wearing the denim vest is just throwing his 36 years of virginity and carefree lifestyle in my face.

Guys, be nice to your ladies.

They let you stick things in them for Pete's sake.

I've been here so long that I now think that every compliment from a man means, "I want to put my boner in you."

I never use Glory Holes anymore since the incident at the pencil sharpener shop.

After a stripper collects her tips from all the tables she goes in the back and licks the money clean.

Come all ye faithful. Does that mean if you aren't faithful, you can't come?