Useless Bashes

She adored her new pet. Docile, clean, attentive and not scared of wet places. She thought that after all, it wasn't so cumbersome, a man.

Sir, you can't bring that bazooka into the building.

Chocolate milk is actually more beneficial for athletes than sports-drinks are.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

'Right, today I'm going to get shit done.'

~ My morning lie

Cigarettes are legal and kill millions of people every year. Marijuana is illegal and has never caused death from usage.

The last execution by guillotine in France was in 1977.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

I've lived with sensitive women for so long that I don't even feel comfortable calling my salsa chunky anymore.

Every religion I’ve ever studied has, at its center, the idea that we should love each other. Every church I’ve ever seen corrupts this.

Those days when you don't care what you look like.

I bet when Johnny Depp dies his only regret will be he didn't do enough Tim Burton films.

People who eat chocolate twice a week turn out to be a bit thinner than those who don’t.

Ein McDonald's Strohhalm kann 7,7ml Getränk halten, oder etwa anderthalb Teelöffel voll.

"It's not you, it's me" really means, "Oh, it's definitely you."

The older I get, the more I favor Luigi.

If you're naughty enough it's worth getting nothing.

In Article 1, Section 10 of the US Constitution, the word "its" is misspelled as "it's".

In Papua, New Guinea, gibt es Dörfer, die nur 8km voneinander entfernt liegen, wo aber eine andere Sprache gesprochen wird.

Französisch sprechende Einwohner von Belgien nennt man Wallonen.