Wtf Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #wtf

Whatever my spirit animal is, that shit is fried.

Beavers are just mice that are fed up with your shit.

If I’m going down, you’re going down with me! - 69

The reason they used to sacrifice virgins was that they wanted to hang on to the ones who put out.

Pretty cool to think that in the future we won't have to wear pants anymore because we're dead.

Are we absolutely certain it is bird poop and not bird cum?

Here's an idea: Toe shoes.. You wear on your hands.. to assist when running on all fours.

My husband is snoring so hard right now that he is sucking the sheet in and out.

I miss being married and cheating on my wife every night with my hand.

Apparently my ex is dating some French dude named Fiancé. Whatever.

OMG you guys, Fran Drescher and I are having so much fun!!! http://t.co/bxiYGM7D

It is so awkward when a guy decides to use the urinal right next to the sink I’m taking a dump in.

I just used a Compressed Gas Duster can on my keyboard & blew out 3 Marlboros & an entire jelly donut.

I ran into an ex of mine today. The cops call it "Vehicular Homicide" but I call it "best road trip ever."

"Hey Ash, is your mom still single? Here's a Pokedex, go catch all the Pokémon in the world." - Professor Oak

An umbrella, an anus and curiosity is a recipe for disaster.

I love waking to the smell of fire in the kitchen.

Sometimes I order chicken breast as 'chicken titties', just to let the waitress know I'm down for whatever.

Was smoking in the park and saw an owl staring at me. Turns out I was high and it was just a homeless midget in a potato sack.

The best way to get rid of your baby fat is to stop eating fat babies.