Wtf Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #wtf

Well, I guess parenting means figuring out how to get a Bedazzler rhinestone out of a cat's eyelid.

If we've been dating less than a year, I fart every time you leave the room. Every time.

My girlfriend is just a picture I hang on my wall.

She spoons me at night and the glass is cold on my bum.

Any kind of berry cream cheese goes great with nipples.

You can't make everyone happy. I mean, other people can, but not you, jerk.

The only things I have in common with birds are tweeting and shitting on cars.

My definition of stalker is "us hanging out with duct tape".

There's no "h" in team either. This is fun. What other letters aren't in team?

Some days i'm sober, some years i'm not.

I just met you and this is crazy but here are seven cats, please help me shave them.

This coffee tastes like broken dreams and lowered expectations.

You can die from parenting right?

I always buy the insurance when I rent a car so that if the Eagles come on the radio I can drive into a river.

I just watched a video of a midget dressed as a smurf jumping up and down on a bed screaming her head off. I found my new fetish video.

I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.

An umbrella, an anus and curiosity is a recipe for disaster.

The reason they used to sacrifice virgins was that they wanted to hang on to the ones who put out.

Here's an idea: Toe shoes.. You wear on your hands.. to assist when running on all fours.

The best way to get rid of your baby fat is to stop eating fat babies.

Quit tickling me, Cthulhu! Quit tickling me.. oh, you're not Cthulhu. You're my dead grandpa, back from the grave & you have a time machine