Wtf Bashes

Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #wtf

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why.

Some guys hate it when women fart, but personally, I like a little skunk in the trunk.

Weed is a gateway drug to eating part of a cheeseburger out of your garbage can at 2:00am.

Does this Melatonin make me look like a hippie with insomnia?

One advantage of being addicted to heroin is that you don’t have to take your Christmas tree down till August.

Trying to peel a banana but can't because I'm a horse and I don't have a banana

Serial killers prefer it if you use sunscreen, means their human-skin lamp shades look much nicer and spot free.

I'll sit on my boyfriend's face just to stop him talking about football for an hour.

It's never too early to shove squirrels in exhaust pipes.

It must be so sad being the last banana in a bunch, seeing your friends get stripped and eaten one by one, your own health worsening daily.

This baby isn't growing but I've been watering it pretty much every day??

My life plan is to get drunk enough that I choke on my own vomit and die.

I could handle being inside a cage, but not a Nicolas Cage.

Gonna spend tomorrow asking people down at the dog park "You gonna eat that" and point at dog poops.

Watering a pot plant with vodka won't turn it into a cheeseburger tree. That leprachorn was full of shit.

Great! I'm out of cigarettes. Now I have to put a bra on before noon today.

Someone tell my mom wizards don't have bedtimes.

Nothing looks prettier on a girl than a manicure made out of Bugles chips.

I miss being married and cheating on my wife every night with my hand.

WebMD says it's not possible to pass your liver through your rectum but they didn't see the shit I just took.