#ah

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#beat #god #i #know #make

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#boyfriend #broke #her #just #marriage

Disney had made such a great deal of money on Snow White that the banks gave him the go-ahead on the next three films. But he was heavily dependent on the foreign market. ↗

— Marc Davis

#deal #dependent #disney #films #foreign

The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up to me and say, Hey! Tony! I love your show, I've watched you every night since you started! And then I'd say, Ah! You're the one! ↗

— Tony Danza

#come #every #every night #guy #hey

Yeah, now we publish whenever we feel like it. ↗

— Glenn Danzig

#like #now #publish #whenever #yeah

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. ↗

— Larry David

#i #still #yeah

An artist is never ahead of his time but most people are far behind theirs. ↗

— Edgard Varese

#ahead #artist #behind #far #his

And I asked my mother about it; I said, 'Is there something wrong?' She said, 'God... God makes people. You understand that, don't you?' And I said, 'Yeah!' She said, 'Who makes a rainbow?" I said, 'God.' She said, 'I never presumed to tell anyone who could make a rainbow what color to make children.' ↗

— Richard Dawson

#anyone #asked #children #color #could

When I see a woman who is all gaunt and emaciated, I don't think she's beautiful. She reminds me of a Chihuahua that's freezing and shaking. ↗

— Rosario Dawson

#chihuahua #freezing #i #i see #me

I started to do a study on how not to do stand-up comedy. Yeah, it's lonely work. You die, you die alone. It's you, the light, and the audience. If you win, you win big. If you lose, you lose big time. ↗

— Jim Varney

#audience #big #big time #comedy #die