#amp

Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #rachel-morgan #romance #vampire #humor

...cursing my heels and debating whether it was faster to stop and take them off--damn ankle straps!--or keep running with the potential neck breakers. Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not by fang, but Ferragamos. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #vampire #humor

Niall had been able to mask the odor of fairy from Eric in the restaurant, but I saw from the flare of Eric's nostrils that the intoxicating scent clung to me. Eric's eyes closed in ecstasy, and he actually licked his lips. I felt like a T-bone just out of reach of a hungry dog. "Snap out of it," I said. I wasn't in the mood. With a huge effort, Eric reigned himself in. "When you smell like that," he said, "I just wanna fuck you and bite you and rub myself all over you. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#fairies #humor #intoxication #sookie-stackhouse #vampires

Do you love him?" There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #kick-ass #rose-hathaway #vampire-academy #humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#humor #religion #vampires #humor

I would die rather than live without you. I would die the same way he died. I can't bear you to look at me the way you did. I cannot bear it if you do not love me!" -Claudia. ↗

— Anne Rice

#horror #vampire #love

He assaulted the man with a psychic wave. "You are a cockroach." In his inebraited state, Cody had no resistance at all to a vampire mind control. He fell to the floor and scurried around the foyer on all fours. "I am a cockroach" he muttered in a squeaky voice. "Hmm, about time you figured that one out," Fidelia steped back as he brushed against her long skirt. ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#ex #mind-control #vampire #love

We'd better get. But y'all have a nice night," I say. Apparently, fear turns me Texan. A startling personality insight that I'll jot down later if I'm not dead in a ditch. ↗

— A.M. Robinson

#vampire #young-adult #humor

How did you hear about that?' 'Are you kidding me? So far, I had that runt Kyle-' 'I hate him. I hate all vamps. That complete toad, Michael-' '-tell me you were pregnant by a vamp-' 'kidnnaped me and-Kyle said WHAT?' 'and then a member of the Domi shows up and informs me-' 'The Domi sent someone HERE?' '-that you're actually pregnant by the late king of the Fey.' 'Late?!' Heidar squeaked. ↗

— Karen Chance

#damphir #dorina #fey #fiction #humor

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#myrnin #vampires #humor