#humor

Yes," Bitterblue said. "I suppose you could convert everything into minutes. Twelve times sixty is seven hundred twenty, and fifteen times fifty is seven hundred fifty. So our seven-hundred-twenty-minute half day equals its seven-hundred-fifty-minute half day. Let's see...Right now, the watch reads a time of nearly twenty-five past two. That's one hundred twenty-five total minutes, which, divided by seven hundred fifty, should equal our time in minutes divided by seven hundred twenty...so, seven hundred twenty times one hundred twenty-five is...give me a moment...ninety thousand...divided by seven hundred fifty...is one hundred twenty...which means...well! The numbers are quite neat, aren't they? It's just about two o'clock. I should go home. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#science #equality

The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the train was a minute late, and that he would have to file a report. The driver retorted that since there could be no material differene between a train that arrived at a station and a station that arrived at a train, it was equally the staionmaster's fault. The stationmaster replied that he could not be blamed, because he had no control over the speed of the station; to which the engine driver replied that the stationmaster could control its placement, and that if it were only a thousand yards closer to Vermillion, the problem would be solved. To this the stationmaster replied that if the driver didn't accept the lateness as his fault, he would move the station a thousand yards farther from Vermillion and make him not just late, but demeritably overdue. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#lateness #remonstrance #equality

I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some equally brainy lad -- who says that it's always just when a chappie is feeling particularly top-hole, and more than usually braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with a bit of lead piping. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #the-unexpected #equality

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Women are already born so far ahead ability-wise. The day men can give birth, that's when we can start talking about equal rights. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor #equality

Not all gays respond to the same stuff. Would Alexander the Great have loved Auntie Mame? ↗

— Bruce Bawer

#gay #gay-rights #gay-stereotypes #humor #equality

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#humor #satire #equality

If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody ↗

— Josh Stern

#hate #humor-inspirational #love #equality

My question was:How did I go from merely seeing the dirty French Santa in a bar to being in his hotel room the next morning? And this presented me with an actual equation. How did one plus one equal old French Santa? ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#equality

My life," she said dramatically, with her eyes closed, "is one heaping bowl of warmed-over despair, seasoned with equal dashes of aggravation and angst! ↗

— Rick Detorie

#teenage-angst #equality