#humor

Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events) ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor #lemony-snicket #series-of-unfortunate-events #tea #funny

I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor. ↗

— Rachael Ray

#funny #genuine #girl #gorgeous #great

Puns are the highest form of literature. ↗

— Alfred Hitchcock

#humor #literature #puns #funny

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #humour #shopping #funny

I read books so dry even a cactus couldn’t grow on them. But who cares? I’m not a farmer, I’m a thinker. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#farmer #funny #humor #read-books #thinker

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#feast-of-fools #funny #humor #rachel-caine #shane-collins

Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#sex #humor

Do is to don’t, as go is to gon’t. Gon’t even do there.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#wordplay #humor

But if you don't watch me, I will try and sneak in some humor. I see humor everywhere in life around me. ↗

— Marion Ross

#everywhere #humor #i #i see #life

You're a ring-wearing, save-yourself-for-marriage kind of girl. I dig that. ↗

— E.C. Newman

#ezra-varden #humor #humor