#humor

The thing about For Better or Worse is the only thing that made me an okay director for that is that I have a sense of humor, and it was supposed to be funny. ↗

— Jason Alexander

#better #director #funny #humor #i

She looked... She looked young, and- and--" I glanced down at Rossana gazing up at me, lips parted, eyes shining, her hair loose around her shoulders, and the next words I spoke were intended with no artifice at all. "She is almost as beautiful as you." There was laughter, and I looked up, confused. "If you wish to pay court to my daughter, Matteo, you must first speak to me," Captain dell'Orte said in mock severity. Rossana's face colored pink. "Elizabetta is also very beautiful," I said quickly, thinking to cover any embarassment, but also because it was true. The adults roared with laughter. "Now Matteo seeks to woo both girls with one compliment. ↗

— Theresa Breslin

#humor #leonardo-da-vinci #matteo #ten-year-old-boy #beauty

Oh! Lovely!" said Nanny. "You are an old fashioned family, like us. We are four worthy orphans with a no-nonsense nanny." "Like Mary Poppins?" suggested the man, with a pleased look of recognition. "Not one bit like that fly-by-night woman," Nanny said with a sniff. "It almost gives me diabetes just to think of her: all those disgusting spoonfuls of sugar! None of that for me. I am simply a competent and professional nanny... ↗

— Lois Lowry

#family

Vamos a decirlo ya, chicas, todos los tios, cuando nos encontramos con una ex, pensamos en acostarnos con ella. Cuando te gusta una chica tienes que invitarla a salir, contarle mentiras de tu vida... aguantar un montón de charlas para poder llevártela a la cama. Con una ex todo ese camino coñazo ya está hecho. Es como el Monopoly. Vas directamente a la cama, sin pasar por la casilla de salida y sin pagar los 200 euros, que es lo mínimo que te gastas en cenas. ↗

— Arturo González-Campos

#familia #family #humor #relaciones #relationships

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once! ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor

Her family had of late been exceedingly fluctuating. For many years of her life she had had two sons; but the crime and annihilation of Edward a few weeks ago, had robbed her of one; the similar annihilation of Robert had left her for a fortnight without any; and now, by the resurrection of Edward, she had one again. ↗

— Jane Austen

#humor #jane-austen #sense-and-sensibility #sons #family

And sometimes when you're very mixed-up inside, you do things you know you shouldn't do. ↗

— Barbara Park

#humor

Giving someone shit, Rodney knew was a sign of love in Catholic families. And the same held true for Rodney and his friends. But he wished it weren't Keith's default setting, his auto-reply to everything. ↗

— Steve Rushin

#family

He lifted my foot and placed a kiss on the tip of my big toe. That toe had never been kissed in its life. I wondered if it was smart enough to know what had just happened. Would it lord it over the other toes now that it had been singled out and kissed by Frank Wells, or was it just a fucking toe and didn’t know what the hell was going on? Like me. ↗

— John Inman

#humor

I will not let the non-knitters of the world decide how normal I am. ↗

— Stephanie Pearl-MacPhee

#knitting #truth-of-life #yarnharlot #humor