#humor

Excuse me? Tonight you represent every dateless woman in this city, every woman who's about to sit down to a lonely meal of Weight Watchers past primavera she's just nuked in the microwave. Every woman who will get into bed tonight with a book or reruns of Sex and the City as her only companion. You are our shining hope....But no pressure. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#humor #dating

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. ↗

— Edward Albee

#fine #i #ridiculous #sense #sense of humor

Worse day ever!" I whined to Ellie. "Oh, worse than the time you got pulled over and the cop said 'papers' and you said 'scissors, I win' and he didn't laugh? ↗

— Sophie Monroe

#humor

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days. ↗

— M.A. George

#sarcasm #sarcastic-humor #humor

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#jerks #science #humor

Maybe there's a chance to get back to grown-up films. Anything that uses humor and dramatic values to deal with human emotions and gets down to what people are to people. ↗

— Robert Altman

#back #chance #deal #down #dramatic

There are no miracles on Mondays. ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#magic #miracles #monday #mondays #humor

Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited. ↗

— William Goldman

#beauty #conceit #humor #love #beauty

Sign by elevator put up by computer geeks in office building: REMEMBER: FIRST YOU PILAGE, THEN YOU BURN. THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPLY WILL BE SUSPENDED FROM THE RAIDING TEAM. In Mr Perfect ↗

— Linda Howard

#humor

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that. ↗

— Aziz Ansari

#around #audiences #base #because #cheap