#humor

Kami said, "I want you to go in there and vamp that receptionist." "What?" Ash said blankly. "You know," Kami said. "Dazzle her with your charms. Rock her world. Go on." [...] "What," Ash said, "all of us?" "Do you want to stand around trying to guess if she likes pretty boys or rough trade?" Jared asked, gesturing lazily from Ash to himself. "Excuse me, what did you just call yourself?" Ash demanded. "No, wait a second, I don't care. What did you just call me? ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor

I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude.. ↗

— Taylor Swift

#taylor-swift #humor

It’s clearly a budget. It’s got lots of numbers in it. ↗

— George W. Bush

#money #presidency #humor

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society. ↗

— William Makepeace Thackeray

#good-humor #society #humor

...There's an -or- in -whore- because you always have a choice to respect your body and say no. ↗

— Libba Bray

#sexuality #whore #beauty

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#drinking #humor #optimism #humor

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. ↗