#humor

If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #names #funny

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#humor #writer #funny

The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #pain #pleasure #funny

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter. ↗

— Alice Meynell

#conspicuous #humor #itself #laughter #make

I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #music #funny

Claire said. “I might be able to get him to stop.” “Who, crazy dude? Maybe. Or he might pull your head off,” Shane said. “I kind of worry.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah?” “A little bit.” “That’s …nice.” He studied her, and returned the smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Kind of is, actually. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Look," I whisper to Cat, "Shooting star! That's good luck." She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical. ↗

— Cathy Cassidy

#funny-humor #lucky-star #mouse #funny

Barzul! ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#christopher-paolini #eldest #eragon #funny #humor

She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #funny

Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#comedy #equivocation #funny #humor #funny