#humor

Pecans are not cheap, my hons. In fact, in the South, the street value of shelled pecans just before holiday baking season is roughly that of crack cocaine. Do not confuse the two. It is almost impossible to make a decent crack cocaine tassie, I am told. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#food #humor #food

There ARE people who won't customarily eat an entire row of cookies, or hear food calling their name from other rooms, or who don't grind up food in the garbage disposal for fear of eating it, or get it back out of the garbage so they could eat it. Of course, my binge eating was just a cover-up for the larger issue: Trying to fill the emptiness ↗

— S.A.R.K.

#eating-disorders #feeling-empty #humor #inspirational #psychology

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure." -Morelli And Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #morelli #stephanie-plum #food

Dear Edmond, When I got home last night I noticed that you were asleep. I also noticed that you had gone to Morton's Steakhouse and there were leftovers in the fridge. Renaldo and Ruprecht were asleep, so I examined the boxes a little more closely. On them you had written "Edmond" and underlined your name. And then next to it you had written "Do Not Eat!" So I honored your wish, and I ate all your food, thus removing the temptation for you to eat it. It was great! You're such a great friend, with a strong will, too. But even the strongest wills get tested. I know that just as much as you do. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #rude #selfish #food

Forks are absurd, he scoffed. They insult your food. They make it think you're killing it twice. ↗

— Clare B. Dunkle

#forks #humor #food

Pizza tastes as good as being skinny feels. ↗

— Lauren Leto

#humor #food

I would love a sandwich,' said Tybalt, with enough gravity to make it sound like a formal proclamation. Resolved: that we will have ham and cheese sandwiches. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#food #humor #food

I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corruption #dirt #dirty #filthy #funny

When he heard there was nothing to eat, he sat down and wept… “Why did I ever wake up!” he cried. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#hobbit #humor #food

Like most humans, I am hungry...our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others. So it happens that when I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it... ↗

— M.F.K. Fisher

#humor #food