#humor

The Doctor: I've seen bigger. Clara: Really? The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive! ↗

— Steven Moffat

#doctor-who #funny #good #humor #the-doctor

If she can't spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell. ↗

— Beverly Cleary

#librarians #spelling #humor

You may not like the humor, but that is why every radio has an on-off button. ↗

— Mel Karmazin

#every #humor #like #may #radio

[Harrier] locked eyes with Zanattar. He couldn't remember another time in his life when he'd been this angry and hadn't hit something. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#humor #anger

I want everything I do to have humor in it, because it seems to me that all of life has that. ↗

— Lawrence Kasdan

#everything #humor #i #i do #life

They’re close. Voices loud and fierce, Slapping faces with words. A scream … A cry … They’re getting closer. Did I lock the door? It’s too late to check. They’re coming. I barely move, barely breathe. Perhaps they’ll go away. But they’re getting closer. The door slams against the wall. My eyes squeeze shut. This curtain is not a shield. They’re here. They’ve come for me. I freeze. Metal rings clank together. My barrier is cast aside. Wearily, I look. Reddened eyes glower at one another … But not at me. I wonder. A moment of silence … Water streams down my face. Steam rolls around my flesh. I glare at the intruders And slide the curtain between us. I wait. He shrieks, “She took my glow stick!” She howls, “No, I didn’t!” I scowl. “Go tell your father about it.” They leave. I inhale the lavender mist. Slather bubbles over my skin. Five more minutes … And, next time, I shall lock the door. ↗

— Barbara Brooke

#family #humor #meditation #poem #poetry

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. ↗

— Bil Keane

#entertainment #family #frontier #good #humor

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate. ↗

— George Carlin

#irreligion #religion #food

A lot of people into Tool, for some reason, are not interested in humor. ↗

— Maynard James Keenan

#interested #into #lot #not interested #people

Charlotte: "It’s too bad they don’t give out diplomas for what you learn at the mall, because I could graduate with honors in that subject. No really. Since I’ve worked there, I’ve become an expert on all things shopping-related. For example, I can tell you right off who to distrust at the mall: 1) Skinny people who work at Cinnabon. I mean, if they’re not eating the stuff they sell, how good can it be? 2) The salesladies at department store makeup counters. No matter what they tell you, buying all that lip gloss will not make you look like the pouty models in the store posters. 3) And most importantly—my best friend’s boyfriend, Bryant, who showed up at the food court with a mysterious blonde draped on his arm. ↗

— Janette Rallison

#food