#funny

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. ↗

— Ronald Reagan

#before #i #opening #questions #refuse

What were you thinking?" I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?" Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #hilarious #indigo-spell #romance #sydney-sage

Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events) ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor #lemony-snicket #series-of-unfortunate-events #tea #funny

CONFESSION NO. 1 Most women find the bloating, cramping, and bitchiness of PMS bothersome at worst. I turn into a monster a week before my period…literally. ↗

— Ronda Thompson

#funny

Behind me, Marc made a soft whistling sound, clearly impressed. “That’s not standard procedure,” he said, his tone entirely too reasonable as he leaned over the stray’s body to open the back passenger-side door. “Yeah, well, I’m not your standard enforcer. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

Isobel moved farther into the kitchen, not knowing whether to be relieved that her mother hadn't had an atomic meltdown, or mortified that she'd taken it upon herself to play head chef with the nearest thing Trenton High had to a Dark Lord. ↗

— Kelly Creagh

#isobel #nevermore #varen #funny

Agatha had so much love she could fill a room. A room filled with strange men, which she often did. I don’t care if every single man in that room looked exactly like me, they were strangers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #funny

You have food?" Winter scolded. "I thought you said you were hungry." I'm hungry for other things besides what I have," [Clover] argued. ↗

— Obert Skye

#food #funny #geth #hungry #winter

In that moment, I wanted to punch myself in the face. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny

I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor. ↗

— Rachael Ray

#funny #genuine #girl #gorgeous #great