#funny

I want my children to appreciate prosperity, so on their birthdays they bathe with their weight in gold. When they get out of the tub, I check the displacement level and mark their growth rate. ↗

— Bauvard

#growth #humor #wealth #funny

Love is about bottomless empathy, born out of the heart’s revelation that another person is every bit as real as you are. And this is why love, as I understand it, is always specific. Trying to love all of humanity may be a worthy endeavor, but, in a funny way, it keeps the focus on the self, on the self’s own moral or spiritual well-being. Whereas, to love a specific person, and to identify with his or her struggles and joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self. ↗

— Jonathan Franzen

#humanity #love #funny

If nymphomaniacs were chefs, the stomach and the groin would finally start talking. They’d say: “Fat is sexy.” Enrolling all our sex addicts in culinary school may be the best way of dealing with obesity. Every meal of the day would be candlelit, every course would be dessert, and our food would make squelching noises and prematurely explode before it reaches our mouths. ↗

— Bauvard

#food #funny #love #nymphomania #food

I'm not a very serious person. You know how they say that clowns are very funny in public and are really sad at home? I'm really kind of stupid at home and more serious in public. ↗

— Roland Joffe

#funny #home #how #i #kind

It's a required part of your film history to know who Woody is. His movies are so wonderful, and not just funny but so insightful about human behavior. ↗

— Scarlett Johansson

#behavior #film #funny #his #history

What's funny about Jesus' Son is that I never even wrote that book, I just wrote it down. I would tell these stories and people would say, You should write these things down. ↗

— Denis Johnson

#book #down #even #funny #i

It sounds funny, but the 2008 Olympics were something that just kind of happened, and I was lucky they came at a point when I was uninjured and well prepared. As a gymnast, you can't ask for much more. ↗

— Shawn Johnson

#ask #came #funny #gymnast #happened

But this show reminds me that there are other aspects to me besides the fact that I'm a funny chick. ↗

— Kristen Johnston

#besides #chick #fact #funny #i

I think Janeane Garofalo is incredibly funny, and I love Dennis Miller. ↗

— Kristen Johnston

#dennis miller #funny #i #i love #i think

I'd so much rather people think I was funny than pretty. ↗

— Kristen Johnston

#i #much #people #pretty #rather