#funny

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. ↗

— Fred Allen

#because #family #i #know #look

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. ↗

— Fred Allen

#boston #find #i #just #only

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ↗

— Woody Allen

#afraid #am #death #happens #i

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. ↗

— Woody Allen

#because #chess #failed #height #i

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. ↗

— Woody Allen

#being #being funny #choice #first #funny

What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did. ↗

— James Patterson

#anger

Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. ↗

— Mac Barnett

#funny #business

I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion. ↗

— Anthony Anderson

#comedian #funny #happens #i #just

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family. ↗

— Louie Anderson

#enough #family #funny #honest #i

It's sort of an action flick. You can't be that funny trying to steal diamonds. ↗

— Anthony Anderson

#diamonds #flick #funny #sort #steal