#funny

I couldn't think of anything helpful to say, so I resorted to humor, my shield of last resort. 'Just please tell me they don't have a dog and a picket fence.' He smiled. 'No fence, but a dog, two dogs.' 'What kind of dogs?' I asked. He smiled and glanced at me, wanting to see my reaction. 'Maltese. Their names are Peeka and Boo.' 'Oh, shit, Edward, you're joking me.' 'Donna wants the dogs included in the engagement pictures.' I stared at him, and the look on my face seemed to amuse him. He laughed. 'I'm glad you're here, Anita, because I don't know a single other person who I'd have admitted this to. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#edward #funny #ted-forrester #funny

It's funny because a lot of people that know me as a dancer, don't know that I'm a singer, and a lot of people that know I can sing don't know I can dance. And so, I feel like at some point I have to show them both and really be able to display it and showcase it, and put that out there. ↗

— Naima Adedapo

#because #both #dance #dancer #display

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. ↗

— Fred Allen

#because #family #i #know #look

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. ↗

— Fred Allen

#boston #find #i #just #only

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ↗

— Woody Allen

#afraid #am #death #happens #i

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. ↗

— Woody Allen

#because #chess #failed #height #i

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. ↗

— Woody Allen

#being #being funny #choice #first #funny

What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did. ↗

— James Patterson

#anger

Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. ↗

— Mac Barnett

#funny #business

I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion. ↗

— Anthony Anderson

#comedian #funny #happens #i #just