#humour

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

She whispers in my ear: ‘"Tell me that you wan' fuck me hard, make me sweat." In the excitement, she misses out a word. "I want to fuck you so hard that your body drips with sweat," I say, grammatically. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #sex #grammar

As you can see, the hyphen is a nasty, tricky, evil little mark that gets its kicks igniting arguments in newsrooms and trying to make everyone in the English-speaking world look like an idiot - it's the Bill Maher of punctuation. ↗

— June Casagrande

#language #grammar

With sociology one can do anything and call it work ↗

— Malcolm Bradbury

#sociology #sociology

Hi. I'm here to enlist. You can't. You aren't human. You see, little fella, we don't do sociological stuff like "interspeciated workplaces." We're a crack company of space mercenaries. We do "hurting people" and "breaking things." Sounds like my kind of fun. -Schlock & Lieutenant Der Trihs ↗

— Howard Tayler

#humour #mercenary #violence #sociology

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#funny #humor #humour #kiddnapped #rodney-dangerfield

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humour #religion #funny

I want you to know, chickens aren’t sexy. Not to me.” This was met with silence. “Are you there?” She was slurring her words now, which was embarrassing, so she took a deep breath. “Cam? Can you hear me?” “Yes, chickens aren’t sexy. Uh…I don’t think they’re meant to be. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.” “Because any other female would! ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #humour #paranormal-romance #romance #funny

Just curious,she mouthed. "What? I didn't catch that." Jjuussttccuurriioouuss.She drew it out this time, hoping he'd be able to read her lips. "If you spoke out loud," he drawled, "I might understand what you're saying." Caroline stamped her foot in frustration, but when it landed, it landed on something considerably less 'flat than the floor. "Owww!" he yelled. Oh! His foot!Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry , she mouthed.I didn't mean it. "If you think I can understand that," he growled, "you're crazier than I'd originally thought. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humourous-situations #julia-quinn #funny