#humour

The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#facebook #hacking #humour #new-york-yankees #sport

Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy". ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humour #gospel

Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries ↗

— Howard Tayler

#humour #mockery #rules-to-live-by #sci-fi #sci-fi

Ennesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff. Dustoff? You're going to run away from three guys? No, I'm going to kill or capture those three guys, and then run away from the Police. -Captain Kevyn Andreyasn & General Tagon ↗

— Howard Tayler

#evasive-action #humour #military #sci-fi #sci-fi

W turned on his heel and began walking toward the door at the far wall. And by walking I mean, of course, not moving at all, at least not to the naked eye, because his strides could only be measured in micrometers. His creaky legs made barely the tiniest of forward steps, so he’d taken four strides before I noticed any lateral movement at all. “I'll be right back.” “Geologically speaking, of course,” HARV said. ↗

— John Zakour

#sci-fi #sci-fi-humour-comedy #sci-fi

I really hope he shapes up, you know? He’s got a good head on his shoulders when he’s not trying to give himself alcohol poisoning. ↗

— Hailey Abbott

#alcohol

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humour #this-is-a-book #hilarious

Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #contemporary-romance

Humour is a fine line to walk in poetry, as in fiction. I just think it's harder to write. It's harder to keep the respect of the reader too. ↗

— George Murray

#fine #fine line #harder #humour #i

If any man, out of an humour, should turn all his Estate into Money, and keep it dead, he would soon be sensible of Poverty growing upon him, whilst he is eating out of the quick stock. ↗

— Dudley North

#dead #eating #estate #growing #him