#humour

She didn't know what a goji berry was, but it sounded like something Amazonian tribesmen might eat when they wanted to talk to their ancestors and embark on an inner voyage into some sort of unicorn-infested netherworld. Whatever worked. ↗

— Lola Salt

#humour #romance #life

Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy? ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#hannah-harrington #harper-scott #humour #jake-tolan #sarcasm

The whole room said, "Admire without touching anything and then get out. ↗

— Kaje Harper

#life

In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick. ↗

— George Carlin

#life #life

She glanced over at the twisted wreckage of the chair — (a nice, Swedish chair that had done nothing in its short life to hurt anyone ↗

— Sylvain Reynard

#life

He plunged into the foliage, and was swept into a humid, wet world of towering trees, animal chirps and thick ferns. After a few steps, he turned, and could barely make out the village. He walked a few more steps. He could see nothing now except for the thick trees and long ferns and grasses that surrounded him. He was enveloped into the confined space between trees, surrounded by the jungle heat and staccato chirps. He turned in the direction of the village, but could only see thick, dense trees. Hoping his sense of direction had not been muddled, he turned back around to the direction of the alleged ocean, and kept walking. Now the calls he heard sounded more and more strange. How far had he walked by now? The jungle, or rain forest, whatever it was, did not relent, and he kept on weaving into narrow gaps between the sturdy ferns and towering trees, pressing onwards. This continued for a seemingly oppressive amount of time, and he began to doubt his decision. To come to this place. To take a chance with his life, which was going in the right direction. Why couldn’t he be happy with the normal and mundane, he cursed, scolding his own stubbornness ↗

— T.P. Grish

#drama #fiction #humor #humour #maldives-malady

Oh how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice & all. "I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?" "Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole life history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#life

E' sbagliato pensare di risolvere grossi problemi con il solo ausilio delle patate fritte. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#life

I make mistakes, but I am on the side of Good," the Golux said, "by accident and happenchance. I had high hopes of being Evil when I was two, but in my youth I came upon a firefly burning in a spider's web. I saved the victim's life." "The firefly's ?" said the minstrel. "The spider's. The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire. ↗

— James Thurber

#humour #life

I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor! ↗

— Greg Curtis

#humour #life #life