#humour

Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life. ↗

— Mary Quant

#humourous #death

Gabriel shuffled around the trunk again, searching for faux arrows—arrows designed to injure but not kill. “All these arrows are sharp—and have blood on them.” “Yes, well, I left my cotton candy arrows at home next to my teddy bear.” Gabriel turned to Tristan. “We’re not going to kill that guy.” “We might.” “Tristan, that’s homicide.” “It’s self defense.” “It’s not self defense. He didn’t come after you.” “But he came after Scarlet. And, technically, Scarlet is a piece of me. So, yeah. It’s self-defense. Are you coming with me or not?” “I don’t want to kill him. I just want to hurt him. Or detain him.” “Or maybe you could just give him a big hug.”Tristan started marching into the woods. “You can stay there and clean weapons or whatever, but I’m going after our intruder. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#design

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#design

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#design

Just think, she said to herself. I could be living on the Right Bank. I could be married to a senior clerk at the Treasury. I could be sitting with my feet up, embroidering a linen handkerchief with a rambling-rose design. Instead I'm on the rue des Cordeliers in pursuit of a baguette, with a three-inch blade for comfort. ↗

— Hilary Mantel

#humour #design

...and specimens like this confirmed there had been some kind of divine rule in the universe because no natural selection process was up to the task of creating something like him. This was some god’s, somewhere’s, handiwork. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#evolution #humor #humour #intelligent-design #natural-selection

And very amusing it is to watch,” said Jem. “Did you know you twitch your nose when you sleep, like a rabbit?” “I do not,” she said, with a whispered laugh.- In my dreams (Chapter 17) deleted scene- Clockwork Prince ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#fangirling #humour #jem #tessa #dreams

There is a certain amount which I shan't mention publicly," Elizabeth said. "Things about Lucia which I should never dream of stating openly." "Those are just the ones I should like to hear about most," said Diva. "Just a few little titbits. ↗

— E.F. Benson

#humour #dreams

...I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.' What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.' Employers sense in me a denial of their values.' He rolled over onto his back. 'They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe. This was true even when I worked for the New Orleans Public Library. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#humor #humour #work #education

Leo got up and brushed himself off. "I hate that guy". He offered Jason his arm like they should go skipping together."I`m Dylan. I`m so cool, I want to date myself, but I can`t figure out how! You want to date me instead? You`re so lucky!" "Leo" Jason said "You`re weird ↗

— Rick Riordan

#mythology #dating