#humour

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humour #power #thirties #twenties #women

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#humour #weather #humor

While she lay there with these old worn thoughts coming obediently into her mind, called there by habit and the familiar quiet of early morning, she was aware that at the back of her mind there was another thought that was not at all stale, but so fresh that it was nearly a feeling, with all a feeling's delicious power to kill thought. ↗

— Stella Gibbons

#recognition #thought-provoking-humourous #thoughts #introspection

I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, "Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude! ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humour #humor

If you want to know the Correct term for me, I'm a Dark-Hunter." Nick digested that word slowly. "Which means what? You hunt darkness?" "Yes, Nick. That's exactly what I do. There's just not enough of it." Now, there was some sarcasm you could cut with a knife. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #humour #humor

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control. "For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kill me!" ("Marsh", heroine of Insufficient Mating Material) ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#aliens #fantasy #futuristic #humor #humour

Got to say, dying would really wreck my best day. Been there, done that, and now that I think about it, Artemis forgot to give me the t-shirt. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell ↗

— Philip Henry Sheridan

#hell #humor #humour #philip-h-sheridan #texas

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully. ↗

— George W. Bush

#dumb #fish #gaffe #george-bush #human

He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed. ↗