#humour

My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#anger #angry #come #get #humour

When will the Home Office realize that when judges retire, not only are they sent home for the rest of their lives, but the only people they have left to judge are their innocent wives.' 'So what are you recommending?'asked Alex as they walked into the drawing room. 'That judges should be shot on their seventieth birthday, and their wives granted a royal pardon and given their pensions by a grateful nation.' 'I may have come up with a more acceptable solution,' suggested Alex. 'Like what? Making it legal to assist judges' wives to commit suicide?' 'Something a little less drastic,' said Alex. ↗

— Jeffrey Archer

#judges #law #home

Hello, Harry" said George, beaming at him. "We thought we heard your dulcet tones." "You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, also beaming. "There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#anger

I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#individuality #science-fiction #art

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ↗

— George Carlin

#humour #paradox #humor

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them. ↗

— Johnny Depp

#love #family

God does not play dice, bankers do. ↗

— Greg Curtis

#humour #money #money

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour

Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

I was a modest, good-humoured boy. It is Oxford that has made me insufferable. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#good-humoured #i #insufferable #made #me