#humour

...don't tell me I should only talk to people with a high influence score, or I'll Klout you... ↗

— John Geddes

#influence-score #klout #twitter-quotes #twitter

Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things. That is exactly what things were originally made for. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#originality

Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverware when he thought no one was looking ↗

— Derek Landy

#sad #silverware #steal #greed

Euthanasia" is an excellent and comforting word! I am grateful to whoever invented it. ↗

— Bram Stoker

#excellence

It struck me as pretty ridiculous to be called Mr. Darcy and to stand on your own looking snooty at a party. It's like being called Heathcliff and insisting on spending the entire evening in the garden, shouting "Cathy" and banging your head against a tree. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humour #mr-darcy #snooty #wuthering-heights #trees

Is he all scarred now? Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally. ↗

— Derek Landy

#physics

The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people. ↗

— John Green

#humour

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#euphemism #humour #political-correctness #humour

I don't know the rules of grammar. If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language. ↗

— David Ogilvy

#grammar #humour #advertising

The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#humour #iq-tests #maths #math