#funny

I sleep with an astronaut’s helmet on my head, just in case I get into a high-speed crash with space during the middle of the night. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

I'm for whatever gets you through the night. ↗

— Frank Sinatra

#gets #i #night #through #whatever

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. ↗

— Tom Sizemore

#being funny #funny #hard #parts #play

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. ↗

— Red Skelton

#any #ask #bedtime #errand #kid

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#cent #deserve #funny #funny stuff #jokes

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#always #between #comedy #course #falls

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER. ↗

— Denis Leary

#funny #men #food

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. ↗

— Logan P. Smith

#always #liar #tell #thought #truth

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. ↗

— Logan P. Smith

#acquaintances #boast #complain #kinds #need

The man in 4B wondered if he could have your autograph. He told me his daughter is a huge fan.” Fan? What the hell? Dylan lifted himself up and looked over the back of his seat. Since when did covert operators have fans? ↗

— Tara Janzen

#funny #humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny