#funny

You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now." "And yet I'm not." "Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you. ↗

— Leigh Bardugo

#funny

I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#pound-cake #weight-gain #funny

Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it. ↗

— Philip Seymour Hoffman

#life #looking #objectively #outside #pretty

People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I'm as sane as anyone who's done what I've done in movies can be. ↗

— Philip Seymour Hoffman

#anyone #approaching #done #funny #i

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. ↗

— Anthony Holden

#chatting #exactly #funny #going #immensely

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run! ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny

I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ian-fleming #james-bond #funny

He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time," she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind. ↗

— Francine Pascal

#fearless #funny #modesty #funny

What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men? ↗

— Parker Blue

#tv-reference #funny

I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you'll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#rube-goldberg #funny