#funny

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. ↗

— Jack Benny

#arthritis #award #deserve #either #i

When I first started I was always known as The Girl on the Sitcom with the Funny Voice. ↗

— Julie Benz

#first #funny #girl #i #known

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. ↗

— Milton Berle

#after #experience #forgotten #her #name

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. ↗

— Milton Berle

#congress #him #lead #make #man

Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn’t have the heart to tell my father. ↗

— Holly Hood

#family #funny #life #sarcasm #family

...mow ↗

— brandan

#funny

I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hooker #hospitality #hospitality-industry #hotel

There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#food #funny #humor #moon #food

I want to woo you with food now that I've wooed you with words, song, and the magic of my interpretive dance. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#romeo #food

Its Batteries! I just know it! ↗

— Alison

#funny #humor #funny