#humor

Live the moment, Seize the day, Carpe diem ↗

— Lucia Powers

#life-meaning #life

We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #patriotism #funny

By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars. ↗

— Alison Croggon

#humor #sarcastic #funny

Arizona is the A to Z of abbreviations. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#arizona #funny #humor #funny

I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician to wear while serving the sheeple up.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #politicians #politics #recipe

I bought a house in a depressed neighborhood. The prices weren’t low, but the people were all bummed out. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #real-estate #funny

And I would be the first to admit that probably, in a lot of press conferences over the time that I have been in coaching, indulging my own sense of humor at press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit. ↗

— Bobby Knight

#be the first #been #benefit #coaching #conferences

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. ↗

— Candace C. Bowen

#humor-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #sarcastic-quotes #witty-quotes

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

Strangers make restless bedfellows, especially when bedbugs are your only acquaintances. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loneliness #promiscuity #funny