#humor

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#much #really

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#answers #any #because #delve #essentially

I had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or a shoebox. My decision was based solely on spatial concerns, so I chose the ashtray, because I thought it best to smoke your essence like a cigarette. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

People who know me , they know I have a sense of humor, I'm a bit of a joker, a bit of a clown really, and I would love someone to exploit that side of me and send me a romantic comedy. ↗

— Gary Oldman

#clown #comedy #exploit #humor #i

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. ↗

— Robert Orben

#choices #crisis #fight #flee #had

In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose. ↗

— J. Robert Oppenheimer

#crude #extinguish #humor #knowledge #known

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many—a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you—all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn’t think so either. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money, but you had to find out the hard way.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath sent to extinguish your light. I felt like God’s wrath coming down to destroy the Illuminati, while you probably thought I was the Satan coming to snuff out the light of the world. And the spectators who were gathered around the spectacle probably thought it was all one big party, as they stood still like mindless zombies singing “Happy Birthday.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were a floating blue blob, and I was a painter in a spacesuit floating through the cosmos trying to catch you and imprison you in my painting. I really need to dream more, because that sounds too much like Tuesday nights at Albino Al’s to be considered fantasy. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships