#humor

I used my history degree about twice a year whether I needed to or not. ↗

Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a reform in higher education. A School of Comparative Irrelevance, where useless or impossibe courses are given. The school's aim is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects. ↗

— Umberto Eco

#humor #nonsense #education

I make love like never, only less often.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #love #time #age

Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase "happily ever after." Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational women to set her straight. ↗

— Catherine Gilbert Murdock

#happily-ever-after #humor #marriage #dreams

I’m tipsy, not blitzed.” Max twisted back and pulled into the road. “What chance I got you won’t pass out on the way home?” I waved my hand in front of me and declared, “Oh, I’ll be fine.” “Right,” Max muttered. “Can we listen to music?” I requested and Max turned on the music. Five minutes later I was dead to the world. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humor

Wizard Howl," said Wizard Suliman. "I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn't dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#wales #welsh #dreams

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#humor #infidelity #love #relationships #romance

Ack!" I said. Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #wit

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beards #children #dada #funny #funny-quotes

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. ↗