#hilarious

Oh, how I longed to burst through the doors and go walking through the streets, with my hands open, like weapons! ↗

— Marcel Béalu

#hilarious #revenge #silly #experience

I sprung you because I've got a message for you" "doesn't your family own a cell phone company?" "only a little one ↗

— Ally Carter

#hilarious #family

Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#forgiveness

His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #hilarious #humor #introduction

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#funny #gaga #germanotta #hilarious #interview

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#hilarious #witty #funny

Actually, I wouldn't mind a Malibu and coke." "You're having a fucking pint." "Is my choice of drink too gay for you?" "Malibu and coke is a pussy drink. Last I heard you were strictly anti-pussy. ↗

— L.A. Gilbert

#hilariousness #non-p-c #funny

Tex's head snapped in my direction. Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomed I shook my head. Christ, everyone's gotta have a s'more before they die. Fuck that shit, I'll build a fire in my backyard tonight and I'll stop by Kumar's on the way home to get the stuff. Everyone can come by- ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hector #hilarious #regret #rock-chick #sadie

Thankyou,"Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. "That is kind of you my lord. But i will never dance with you." Which, ofcourse, made it the goal of leo's life. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#leo-hathaway #life