#hilarious

What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, So stumblest on my counsel? *Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?* ↗

— William Shakespeare

#imposition #privacy #art

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#falling #falling-into-you #funny #haha #hilarious

I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been.” –Enid Healy ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#hilarious #funny

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ass #attitude #contempt #curmudgeon #hilarious

Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?' 'Neythen, my lord.' 'Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis. ↗

— Eloisa James

#hilarious #make-fun-of #teasing #beauty

No way, that would kill my diet for the week. I don't know how you can stand to eat so unhealthy, Quinn. Just consider it an amuse-biatch. ↗

— Steph Campbell

#hilarious #sopapilla-cheesecake-bars #diet

How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well as a few mythological animals that I swear I'd seen. Then I'd lived on the sun with aliens. ↗

— Cora Carmack

#hilarious #humor #dreams

Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#hilarious #escape

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious