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#hilarious

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #hilarious




Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.


John Oliver


#hilarious #baseball

A million dollars? A bit much don't you think?" "Fuck you." Caleb smiled, the self indulgent little shit. "My apologies," he mocked with a slight forward bow, "What I meant to say is: no pussy's that good. Though yours does come close.


C.J. Roberts


#hilarious-but-true #humor

A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise


Jeaniene Frost


#denise #hilarious #night-huntress #sex #sex

Lying is a full time occupation, even if you tell just one, because once you tell it, you're stuck with it. If you want to do it right, you have to visualize it, conjure the graphics, tone, and sequence of action, then relate it purposefully in the midst of seemingly spontaneous dialogue. The more actual the lie becomes to the listener, the more actual it becomes to the teller, which is scariest of all. Some people really get to believing their own lies.


Hilary Thayer Hamann


#lies #hilarious

You will be interested to hear, Hilary, that it [the drug] had a most remarkable effect — even on Selena after a very modest quantity. She cast off all conventional restraints and devoted herself without shame to the pleasure of the moment." I asked for particulars of this uncharacteristic conduct. "She took from her handbag a paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice and sat on the sofa reading it, declining all offers of conversation.


Sarah Caudwell


#humour #jane-austen #hilarious

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.


David Wong


#funny #hilarious #spiders #funny

Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence.


Debi Gliori


#gross #hilarious #humor #funny

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.


Keary Taylor


#funny #hilarious #witty #funny

Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--


David Nicholls


#hilarious #saracasm #funny

I had to make water ” I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. “I see ” the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser.


Alan Bradley


#hilarious #lol #lol






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