#hilarious

I sprung you because I've got a message for you" "doesn't your family own a cell phone company?" "only a little one ↗

— Ally Carter

#hilarious #family

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#hilarious #witty #funny

I think there's something very lovely and hilarious about exploring the particular neuroses of the female mind. It's just not the same thing with men. I mean, there are exceptions, but for the most part, women beat themselves up in their heads more. They overanalyze stuff far more than men do. ↗

— Lizzy Caplan

#beat #exceptions #exploring #far #female

My son thinks I'm hilarious, but he's only 1. ↗

— Mackenzie Crook

#i #only #son #thinks

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin ↗

— S.C. Stephens

#funny-quotes #griffin #hilarious #humor #funny

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humour #this-is-a-book #hilarious

Son of a motherfucking, ass-reaming, shit-eating, hell-dodging soulless bitch! ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#hilarious

And loneliness. I should say something of loneliness. The panic, the sweeping hysteria that comes not when you are without others, but when you are without yourself, adrift. I should describe the filthy province of mind, the blighted district inside, the place so crowded you cannot raise the lids of your eyes. Your shoulders are drawn and your head has fallen and your chest is bruised by the constant assault of your heart. (p. 37) ↗

— Hilary Thayer Hamann

#loneliness #hilarious

Fucking nightmares. My heart starts to slow down. Glancing down at the floor, I see Tybalt, who is glaring at me with a puffed-up tail. I wonder if he had been sleeping on my chest and I catapulted him off when I woke up. I don't remember, but I wish that I did, because it would've been hilarious. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#ghosts #nightmares #sleeping #hilarious

Michael, don’t,” Eve said. “He won’t hurt us.” Andeveryone rolled their eyes at that. Even Jason, which was borderline hilarious. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#hilarious