#hilarious

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-as-hell #funny-but-sad #funny-but-true #funny-humor #hilarious

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase." I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk. "They're for you." "You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous? ↗

— Holly Black

#hilarious #humor #funny

The Butcher Boy is a very great novel indeed and a very important Irish novel. The ambiguity of that is, he's writing a book about an appalling situation and he does it in a hilarious way. ↗

— Stephen Rea

#ambiguity #appalling #book #boy #butcher

I'll never forget my 24th birthday when my tooth got punched out. And for a second I was like, it would be really hilarious if I sold it on eBay. But I can't, that's just too creepy. I don't think I can go there. ↗

— Evan Rachel Wood

#creepy #ebay #forget #go #got

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people. ↗

— Kesha

#always #box #cardboard #cardboard box #care

I want that which is hilarious and that which is heartbreaking to occupy the same territory in the book because I think they very often occupy the same territory in life, much as we try to separate them. ↗

— Richard Russo

#book #heartbreaking #hilarious #i #i think

At the risk of appearing disingenuous, I don't really think of myself as 'writing humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world I observe, which is frequently hilarious. ↗

— Richard Russo

#disingenuous #frequently #hilarious #humor #i

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson. ↗

— John Oliver

#hilarious #baseball

Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence. ↗

— Debi Gliori

#gross #hilarious #humor #funny

I had to make water ” I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. “I see ” the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#hilarious #lol #lol