#hilarious

Hadn’t retired reporter Stan warned him of how protective Cosimo was of his granddaughters? What if the Carusos had discovered his identity and wanted to rub him out as they’d rubbed out his father? Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. ↗

— Christie Ridgway

#hilarious #prayer #death

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough ↗

— Tara Sivec

#seduction

Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #katy #sparkly #hilarious

You’d throw yourself in front of a bus for me.” She would and he knew it.He knew it and she knew that he felt that knowledge burrow deep and he liked it. Elle felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes, her body melted into his,her arms tightened around him and she whispered back, “Yes,Pren,though I hope I never get the chance. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hilarious #love #love

She was going to go to her room,munch on chocolate,then collapse into bed. And if her upstairs neighbors decided to talk about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved,she'd go up there and give them somthing to really bloody cry about. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#depress #hilarious #hot #sex #love

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. ↗

— Dave Matthes

#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack

Super Troopers is hilarious. Everybody always thought we somehow - we did Reno way, way before any of us had seen Super Troopers. It sat on the shelf for a couple years. ↗

— Thomas Lennon

#any #before #couple #did #everybody

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny #gets #hilarious #hurt #just

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#falling #falling-into-you #funny #haha #hilarious

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ass #attitude #contempt #curmudgeon #hilarious