#hilarious

I can't see anything" he said in a muffled voice, hand over his eyes. "I'm blind. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#hilarious #funny

A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#denise #hilarious #night-huntress #sex #sex

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal. ↗

— Keary Taylor

#funny #hilarious #witty #funny

I had to make water ” I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. “I see ” the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#hilarious #lol #lol

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#lol #sarcasm-humor #humor

so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!! ↗

— Brian Regan

#humor #man #manslaughter #pig #business

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts. ↗

— Daniel Tosh

#daniel-tosh #funny #hilarious #change

I find the female tragedy of insecurity to be hilarious. We get obsessed over issues like the tiny skin tags on our backs or that we're fat. You read one line in a magazine and it sends you into a tailspin. ↗

— Lake Bell

#fat #female #find #get #hilarious

What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, So stumblest on my counsel? *Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?* ↗

— William Shakespeare

#imposition #privacy #art

Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?' 'Neythen, my lord.' 'Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis. ↗

— Eloisa James

#hilarious #make-fun-of #teasing #beauty