#haha

I didn't want to miss out on a chance to congratulate you on your bouncing baby boy.” Garrett’s eyes trailed over to Milo who stood tall with an arrogant smile on his face next to his father. “I’m not sure on the protocol over here, though, is it customary to celebrate bastards?” Garrett’s comment hit the mark just like he knew it would. The smile was wiped from Milo’s face, and he stalked right up to Garrett and threw a punch at his jaw. ↗

— T.E. Sivec

#bastard #burn #garrett #haha #lol

Do you think the Bible is accurate? I mean, do you think it's real?" " I think Pastor Calvin is hot. In a fortysomething way. That pretty much sums up my religious conviction ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor #vee #funny

Well, I said, needing to lighten the mood for him, "next time Kai tries to, um, bust your balls, you can give it right back to him, because he's got a girlfriend now, too. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#haha #lol #lol

Sorry. Sorry. Don't hit. Bitches be scary when they hit. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#haha #hit #j-lynn #jacob #jennifer-l-armentrout

Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively… But it wasn’t just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could ‘relate without getting close.’ For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. ↗

— Woody Allen

#experience

There! Now we're friends!" declared the minx. "Say you're sorry about my sister -" "I am desolated!" "That's a good boy! ↗

— Agatha Christie

#haha #humour #obedience #friendship

Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo #funny

Don't worry chief,"said foaly,"It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#funny

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #code-word #cookie #cookies #funny

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #funny #haha #jennifer-l-armentrout #lol