#comedian

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. ↗

— Wanda Sykes

#comedians #comedy #first #good #got

I'm not a comedian. I can play off of people, but I'm not that guy. I don't want people being like, 'Yeah, he should have stuck with drama.' It would not be my choice to have critics mumbling that. ↗

— Channing Tatum

#choice #comedian #critics #drama #guy

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is. ↗

— Mark Thomas

#called #comedian #get #i #investigative

I thought comedians had to have black on their faces or red beards. ↗

— Dorothy Gish

#black #comedians #faces #had #i

I feel I'm as qualified for office as any of the other comedians who are running. ↗

— Grace Hansen

#comedians #feel #i #i feel #office

To be a comedian, you gotta jokesmith, there's no way around it. ↗

— John Leguizamo

#comedian #gotta #way #you

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson. ↗

— John Oliver

#hilarious #baseball

I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people. ↗

— Peter Cameron

#funny

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #humorous #funny

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today? Peanut: Yes we had a great day! Jose: No we did not. Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No we did not have a good day. Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day! What? Jeff: Did you have a good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: A good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa. Peanut: I took him to the spa! Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer. Peanut: It's the same thing!!! ↗

— Jeff Dunham

#humor #jeff-dunham #jose-jalapeno-on-a-stick #peanut #humor