#humor

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.
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— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #penis #sex #slut

I think I've learned that if you want to be successful, you have to tell your story honestly and from your heart - and I think a healthy sense of humor doesn't hurt either. ↗

— Dorothea Benton Frank

#healthy #heart #honestly #humor #hurt

Why keep in touch with them? That's what I want to know,' asked Larry despairingly. 'What satisfaction does it give you? They're all either fossilized or mental.' 'Indeed, they're not mental,' said Mother indignantly. 'Nonsense, Mother... Look at Aunt Bertha, keeping flocks of imaginary cats... and there's Great-Uncle Patrick, who wanders about nude and tells complete strangers how he killed whales with a penknife...They're all bats. ↗

— Gerald Durrell

#humor #family

That's how I want to go. Taking my own way out and totally pissing everybody off at the end. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor #death

I only have two speeds. Hostile and Smart-Aleck. Your choice ↗

— James Patterson

#humor