#humor

I won’t apologize for my past. A man is supposed to have experience.” “From all indications, you’ve acquired enough for ten men. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#experience

If you set up your life so that the people you need you, that's ok. If you set up your life so that you don't need anyone - then you need to be prepared for the experience of aloneness. ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

Kissing him last night at the pep rally had been like kissing an underpass. ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #similes #simile

I was having the surreal experience of having myself show myself around my office and bullpen.” “Oh! My desk. I could’ve sat at my desk. I could’ve sat at your desk.” “No.” “It’s a vid set.” “Even then, no. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death

The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cannibalism #death #food #funeral #humor

The darker the film, the more vital everyone's sense of humor is on set. ↗

— Eric Bana

#everyone #film #humor #more #sense

Accept the fact that girls squeal when they're happy or confused or excited or scared or because they just saw a certain boy in line. ↗

— Harry H. Harrison Jr.

#daughters #family #humor #family

I thought you weren’t allowed to have a phone,” he says. “Or was that a really pathetic excuse to avoid giving me your number?” “I’m not allowed. My best friend gave it to me the other day. It can’t do anything but text.” He turns the screen around to face me. “What the hell kind of texts are these?” He turns the phone around and reads one. “Sky, you are beautiful. You are possibly the most exquisite creature in the universe and if anyone tells you otherwise, I’ll cut a bitch.” He arches an eyebrow and looks up at me, then back down to the phone. “Oh, God. They’re all like this. Please tell me you don’t text these to yourself for daily motivation. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#beauty

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. ↗

— Libba Bray

#humor #humour #beauty

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. ↗

— Henry Ward Beecher

#every #like #pebble #person #road