#humor

Forks are absurd, he scoffed. They insult your food. They make it think you're killing it twice. ↗

— Clare B. Dunkle

#forks #humor #food

Pizza tastes as good as being skinny feels. ↗

— Lauren Leto

#humor #food

I would love a sandwich,' said Tybalt, with enough gravity to make it sound like a formal proclamation. Resolved: that we will have ham and cheese sandwiches. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#food #humor #food

I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corruption #dirt #dirty #filthy #funny

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#marriage

The potatoes were starch grenades. The canned carrots were revolting because that is their nature. ↗

— David Mitchell

#humor #food

Kit," said a female voice, "what's wrong with the fridge? All the food's gone. No, wait, there's a really ugly alien in here disguised as a leaky lettuce. Hey, I guess I shouldn't be rude to it; it's a visitor. Welcome to our planet, Mr. Alien!" This was followed by some muffled remark that Nita couldn't make out, possibly something Kit was saying. A moment later, Kit's sister Carmela's voice came out of Nita's refrigerator again. "Hola, Nita, are your phone bills getting too big? This is a weird way to deal with it... ↗

— Diane Duane

#fridge #funny #humor #kit #lettuce

I just inhaled kimchi ramen. Nose on fire. Next chapter may be obscured by tears. ↗

— MCM

#food #humor #writing-life #food

I'll let you in on a secret: I can't stand Jay Ward. I hate being compared to Rocky and Bullwinkle. It's just a different style of humor. ↗

— John Kricfalusi

#compared #different #hate #humor #i

I kicked my shoes off, shuffled out of the black jeans and carted an armload of food into my bedroom. I switched the television on and crawled into bed with the channel changer. Do I know how to have a good time, or what? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #food