#humor

When you are from a well-respected family, often times you will have pressure to "live up to your family name." That is to say, depending on your family's reputation, you will have to live in accordance with that reputation so that other people keep thinking of your family in the way it is used to being thought of. If you come from a family of do-gooders, then it is important to do good. If you come from a family of investors, it is important to make lots of money. If you come from a family of plastic surgeons, you should know how to pick a nose. And if you do not live up to your family name, then possibly your family will disown you. Which isn't really nice, but can happen. ↗

— Adrienne Kress

#standards #family

Dave put a lot of thought into picking out the books his dad would like least. ↗

— Theric Jepson

#christmas #family #fathers #gifts #humor

Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth. Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things. ↗

— Russell Brand

#humor #politics #western-culture #humor

I come from a long line of miserable people. ↗

— Arlene Schindler

#family #funny #funny-but-true #humor #miserable

He'd done his walls with paint from Holy Basil. God, I yearned for their colors. I hadn't been able to afford them myself but I knew their color chart like the back of my hand. His hall was done in Gangrene, his stairs in Agony and his living room--unless I was very much mistaken--in Dead Whale. Colors I personally very much approved of. ↗

— Marian Keyes

#humor #setting-the-scene #way-with-words #family

In my family nudity just doesn’t exist; I’m pretty sure my parents were both born fully clothed and still shower that way. ↗

— Huston Piner

#lgbt #romance #ya #young-adult #family

Once I thought I found love, but then I realized I was just out of cigarettes. ↗

— Jeffrey McDaniel

#love-humor #humor

One pretty woman means fun at the dance. Two pretty women means trouble in the house. Three pretty women means run at the hills. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor

In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family #father #florida #funny #humor

...The bottom of his garden joins the bottom of ours, and of course I had several times seen him, sitting among the scarlet-beans in his little arbour, or working at his little hotbeds. I used to think he stared rather, but I didn't take any particular notice of that, as we were newcomers, and he might be curious to see what we were like. But when he began to throw his cucumbers over our wall--" "To throw his cucumbers over our wall!" repeated Nicholas in great astonishment. "Yes, Nicholas, my dear," replied Mrs. Nickleby, in a very serious tone; "his cucumbers over our wall. And vegetable-marrows likewise." "Confound his impudence!" said Nicholas, firing immediately. "What does he mean by that?" "I don't think he means it impertinently at all," replied Mrs. Nickleby. "What!" said Nicholas, "cucumbers and vegetable-marrows flying at the heads of the family as they walk in their own garden and not meant impertinently! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#family